The bus trip to Lao didn't seem to leave a lasting impression, probably through my gradual tolerance to horrendous travelling. The reason it went approximately twelve hours over the quoted eighteen was because of the copious pick ups of cargo; from people to pigeons. In the first five hours we stopped at least three times for half an hour to forty minutes. The driver seemed to owe a lot of favours to a lot of people. Once all the aisle space was jam packed full of chocolate bars and sweets up to chest height and our bags were squashed next to boxes and boxes of vanilla ice-cream, the roof started to get filled. It wasn't merely a few crates of beer, food or animals which shocked me most. After they had loaded what seemed like tonnes of crates onto the roof, five guys struggled to bring out a dining table. We all jovially joked about the fact that they were probably going to lob that on next. I have never laughed and then feared for my life in such quick succession. I came to the and realisation that my life is quite obviously worth nothing compared to a teak dining table. What followed in the next twenty minutes must have inspired countless 'how many Vietnamese does it take to chuck a table onto a rickety bus' jokes. First attempt was a good old throw. Five guys gave it a good old heave ho, but realised they could barely pick it up and it ended up hitting the roadside gutter. I suppose it serves the customer right for choosing free postage and packing. Next, they fashioned a pulley system using some precariously weak twine. One guy up in a nearby tree, three men pushing and one guy slipping all over the Neapolitan on the roof. They managed to just lug it up onto the top. I'm not sure whether they hadn't done it before or seen a roof of a bus, but as soon as it lay flat on the rooftop all men on the ground clapped their hands and decided that the job was a goodun. God knows what the poor chap on top was doing, but from my crude chocolate box fort inside the bus I saw this finely crafted table crash straight on the floor. The footman turned round to the massive bang, all incredibly shocked. Unbelievable. If at first you don't succeed and completely ruin a table, try, try again! This continued for an hour or so and eventually they managed to shove it on. I am not sure how the new owners will feel, maybe they can blag it as an antique. They should have gone to MFI. Driving in a bus with that much luggage on top, over Laotian roads was a recipe for disaster. Roads in Lao are the worst in South East Asia. Basically, there aren't roads. We must have looked like an oversized reliant robin.
We arrived in Luang Prabang just after the midnight curfew, so had to find someone to serve us anything. Time was short, so after a whistle stop tour we got in a minibus to Vang Vieng for tubing. It is an utterly reckless, if fantastic place. Simply put, the idea is to sit in a tube and get roped in by bar staff to a series of bars down a river so full of disease it's laughable. Added to this there are rope swings, zip lines and dive points so if you don't injure yourself on the rocky banks you can be sure to get concussion from the algae covered boulders on the river bed. We started off slowly, and managed to attract a sixty plus year old Australian who seemed to think we were in similar leagues. I tried to shun her by recommending the Aussie bar in town, but she complained that the crowd was 'too old'. I nodded vigorously and tried my most ironic stare. We ended up making our way through all of the bars, swimming some parts. We lost our tubes on countless occasions and had to grab others. Our golden rule was to not go on the rope swings. The horror stories everyone speaks about are terrible, considering you are in a small town in the mountains with a makeshift hospital which can barely prescribe Calpol. By the time it had got dark and we had lost our deposits, it was time for the rope swings. Toby and I befriended some kids who were working at the place. I say befriended, I think we were just shoving any money we had in their hands just so they would show us the place to jump in to not die. The gym buff Tobes had obviously not been following Men's Health, as time after time he stepped up like Tarzan, couldn't hold his body weight and belly/face flopped a metre away from the swing. Determined, he tried again and again but unfortunately he just doesn't have my hulk hogan arms. He just managed to fill his stomach with river water and dislodge his contact lens.
After a day of recovery and yet another cramped minibus with an American with a new video camera we arrived in Chiang Mai, northern Thailand. We explored the old town and tried found a self proclaimed tour guide who showed us some muy Thai boxing rings. Ge next day decided to for a trek. We had somehow managed to miss malaria up to that point, so that had to be rectified. We started the day with some bamboo rafting, an hour south of the city. Toby and I were split up with two elderly dutch couples. These rickety rafts were made from bamboo shoots bound together with bits of old tyre. We were assured it was shallow, slow moving water with a professional at the helm. Unfortunately, mine had less nautical nous than the captain of the Costa Concordia. As we got on and she paddled, we gained speed and started to narrowly miss rocks. The raft was falling apart, but being polite, (they got up at the crack of dawn to make them) I hoped it would make it. We got to a particularly fast white water bit, and our captain at the front steered us firstly into bushes, then full speed into the side of a large rock. She was instantly catapulted off with her bloody steering stick and into the (now learned) deep water. I was next in line on the boat, and sitting down. This was my moment to shine. The fast flowing water was rapidly capsizing the boat and ripping it apart. It was now when I realised the older man couldn't swim and he was holding onto the bamboo for dear life. Luckily, being young and nimble I jumped on a nearby tree root safe and sound. I would have helped, but I didn't particularly want to ruin my perfectly coiffed hair. I managed to smile and shrug reassuringly. By this time el capitain had surfaced crying out "no wet, no fun" like it was a company tag line. I guessed this happened often. By this time my legs and hands were swarming in ants so I jumped back aboard and managed to flip the raft the right way, getting drenched in the process. It rapidly dawned upon me that bringing a camera wasn't such a bright idea, as I mulled over Bamboo Tours' thirty pence insurance policy. 'No wet no fun' became a sort of mantra as we flew down this river hell for leather, with absolutely no one in control. Inevitably, we crashed again. I had lost all hope and any conviction I previously had. I was screaming "no wet no fun" hysterically by now. Especially at the poor chap who couldn't swim. I think he was having one of the worst days of his life. For some reason I thought shoving this newly found philosophy down his throat might just make him start believing it, and just drown like a martyr.
We did some elephant riding also, and managed to pick a naughty nelly. The beaten track would have been fine for us, but ours decided to stampede through every bush and undergrowth possible. We left with hay fever and bruises.
The next day it was time to head back to the capital. I really don't want to harp on about this, but I think I should on account of life insurance and inevitable death. We boarded the last bus back to Bangkok and as usual were given seats behind those people who before even blinking on a bus instantly recline their seats fully. They had managed to get some rest, much to my annoyance. After tossing and turning we did too, only to wake up to a "WOW, OH WOW" from our favourite late night Pavarotti. The packed bus really appreciated it, and I once again was trying to calm Tman down whilst simultaneously having a cardiac arrest. The recliners thought it was a terrorist attack by a man with a megaphone. Hilarity ensued (for me anyway). I need the laughter to counter the years chopped off the health of my heart.
We have spent the last couple of days relaxing in Bangkok and stocking up for Australia. Tobes has meticulously planned out how he is spending his last £12.47 to the last Baht. We spend hours walking round looking at menus, mouths watering for Toby to announce that "nope! It's not in the budget!". We hit a new low during a financial crisis in 7-eleven. Tman realised he needed to buy toilet roll (I couldn't convince him that they definitely had them in Australia). All hell broke loose when Toby Vitold Osbourne realised he hadn't put it in the budget! He slammed down his oversized rucksack and delved into the pandoras bag full of stuff, rooting through the thirty four inhalers and eight litres of contact lens solution he found his calculator, a pen and pencil. Licking the nib, he started to crunch some numbers. Unfortunately, he was going to have to starve himself. Ironically, he probably then wouldn't need the loo roll, but he wasn't so sure. After ten minutes of the poor Thai till lady wondering whether an accountant from head office was checking over the monthly earnings and me pacing round wanting to jump out of the window, pleading with him to let me use my 32p to treat him, he found a tax break/money laundering loophole which allowed a clean set of buttocks. Hooray! As if the previous ten minutes weren't excruciating enough, Tbird reconfirmed the price of the roll with the check out lady (who was now haggard with stress, trying to give us the paper for free) and proceeded to open his sellotaped up neck money pouch. I was reaching for anything I could use to end it all as each baht was counted out, up to and including sixteen. Oh the perils of being an economics student!
We now leave, very much ready for Australia with a new two pound 'unique' haircut fostering a general lack of confidence. We've lost all travel documents, my clothes are all newly bought and skin tight and we carry an overwhelming financial anxiety. Join the queue ladies.
Weathering Heights
There have been a few complaints at the lack of brevity of our posts, so I will try to keep this one short and as sweet as possible.
We made it through from Phnom Penh through the border relatively unscathed. The bus was as expected, equipped with less room than a postage stamp, but I guess one thing you get from a socialist country is a welcome frightening frisk, screening and pat down. I think after the number of overly friendly border crossing bandits, we didn't mind a solemn stare and nod.
We arrived in Ho Chi Minh and spent hours trying to find our hostel. It is designed with large boulevards, which look fantastic on the surface, but I think they may have realised they didn't have enough room to fit everything in so made intricate mazes of side streets to purposefully confuse unsuspecting travellers with a crude lonely planet sketch.
We didn't spend too much time in the city, but one thing that struck me was its frenetic pace, and frankly ridiculous amount of mopeds. There isn't a problem with over four million mopeds whizzing around contrived back alleys, but when there is absolutely no regard for traffic lights, give way signs or lost, clumsy travellers with over sized flips flops it's madness. Most of the time was looking through its history; we visited the war museum and a town which was the base for the Củ Chi tunnels. The museum was no holds barred, and showed some really disturbing images of the consequences of the widespread American attacks. It was very anti-American, and the fallacious notion of the United States as the great liberators took a bit of a hit. A particularly poignant part was a letter from a young, third generation victim of agent orange to Obama pleading for financial support for the continued plight of children with disabilities in Vietnam.
It was amazing to see the intricate tunnels and openings in the jungle floor where the Viet Cong fought the Americans. We went in some specially made 'European' sized (double) tunnels, which were scary enough. Going down on all fours through all the levels almost gave Tobes an asthma attack. I don't think we would be cut out for war, we couldn't walk thirty metres underground without wondering when the next toilet or tapioca snack was appearing. Our tour guide was actually born in the tunnels, and had a no-nonsense attitude to explaining things. After calling us big and fat countless times (I tried to stick up for us and explain that our bowels really haven't taken to Vietnamese cuisine, we still hadn't even seen a toilet in three days), I left feeling I needed a diet. Talking about Vietnamese cuisine, it certainly takes a bit of getting used to. We decided to go out and taste the local delicacies, and ordered some sort of broth with shredded pork, and a few sides. I was (relatively) happily tucking into it, when I saw Toby's anguished face. He got a subway. As I finished it off, I turned to a sumo-wrestler sized guy on my right who had been retching and gagging for the last five minutes. I decided against giving him what for, but realised he had chosen exactly what food I had. Fantastic.
We spent a few days travelling up the coast to Mũi Né and Nha Trang, some beach towns. Everything was going swimmingly until we boarded our overnight sleeper bus to Hoi An. Whatever I had said before about the anti-luxury buses provided in Cambodia, the sleeper buses in Vietnam were a different level of comfort. I wish I could put into words the feelings I had on that bus journey. There are two levels of awkwardly reclined beds with a moth ridden blanket on each. You do, unfortunately, end up clinging on to it for dear life because the intermittent air condition crevices above you spurt out jets of ice air/water every so often. That was only the start. We came to realise the driver must have dabbled in rally driving as he flung the suspension-less bus around the tight bends of coastal roads. In addition, it felt like each wheel arch had a pneumatic drill attached; the road was unbelievable. Every couple of minutes I would smash my knee/hip/head on the rusty frame of my chair. This was all tolerable until midway through the night, the guy behind me awoke screaming that a cockroach had just crawled up his t-shirt. He flung it off and inadvertently threw it on his mates face below him. After laughing for a few minutes I slowly realised that they were probably everywhere. The pitch black bus was suddenly full of hysterical screaming that cockroaches were invading the back seats. Moths were certainly better than cockroaches, so I wrapped it tightly and sweat myself to sleep.
Thankfully, Hoi An was possibly my favourite little town in the world. It prides itself of being the home of tailors. I arrived not really wanting anything, but Jay was planning on getting a suit so we went along with him. The place was full of women running around with tape measures and cloth. I compromised and thought I would get a winter coat. I am not much of a shopper, but after seeing how beautifully made they were, got seduced into then buying a suit. Both were absolutely fantastic, and it was really exciting going back for fittings. They call you in and pinch a prod you. I had little clue about how it should actually look so entrusted them with all assessments, occasionally chipping in to ask if I look like David Beckham yet. I had a close rapport going with my tailor, who insisted on doing some very friendly trouser measurements and running into the changing rooms to see if I could put a shirt on properly. After our tenth visit I thought a date request was in order, until her friend told me she had a newly born kid at home and worked seven days a week but If we wrote a recommendation on TripAdvisor she would get a day off. Feeling utterly terrible we rushed home to write lines of love. The things we wrote on that website, she must be on holiday in the Bahamas.
We then moved up to the north and to the capital, Hanoi. It must have been something to do with the altitude/latitude but the temperature was suddenly freezing. We spent a night walking round and splashing out on some 15 pence beer. It seemed to be a Vietnamese tradition to sit on plastic chairs at crossroads and drink beer and smoke. They claimed it was 'probably the cheapest beer in the world', which doesn't seem to have the same ring to it.
The next day we took a day trip to Ha Long bay, which was absolutely stunning. We ate some traditional Vietnamese seafood and then were invited to do some kayaking. Predictably, Toby and I were under prepared to say the least. People were wearing all sorts of winter jackets, hats, scarves and boots. We emerged from a cramped toilet wearing skimpy Full Moon Party fluorescent shorts, accompanied by waterproofs. I started to regret my small women's fluorescent pink mac in a bag. Twenty five pounds reduced to a fiver seemed to good a deal to pass up for a designer waterproof. I didn't take into account that the arms reached my elbow and it was more of a waterproof crop top. Toby was also looking fantastic in his oversized clear plastic bag waterproof bought from the respected outdoors establishment, the post office. To a series of weird looks we clambered into a kayak, and the operator told us we needed to buy tickets to paddle into the caves. Thinking this was absolutely ridiculous, we declined and paddled off. We obviously had a change of heart seeing everyone enter these beautiful caves, and decided that they must run a tab system. We splashed in to aggressive calls from the dock. The rest of our kayaking experience was filled with us paddling away from shouting and ticketers and devising unorthodox routes through large shipping lanes. After almost collapsing we snuck back on the boat and got changed. I put my fringe the other way. He never knew. At least fear forced us to end as proficient kayakers.
Our coarse planning had given us a shortage of time to catch our flight. We decided to leave Hanoi slightly early, saying bye to Jay and Rach which was more emotional than expected. The bus to Laos was relatively comfortable, but just took double the quoted time. Thirty hours later we arrived in Luang Prabang after the curfew. We managed to find some half cooked chicken and a snickers and slept.
I wouldn't say it was in a nutshell, but that was the last couple of weeks worth. It was more of a novel.
We made it through from Phnom Penh through the border relatively unscathed. The bus was as expected, equipped with less room than a postage stamp, but I guess one thing you get from a socialist country is a welcome frightening frisk, screening and pat down. I think after the number of overly friendly border crossing bandits, we didn't mind a solemn stare and nod.
We arrived in Ho Chi Minh and spent hours trying to find our hostel. It is designed with large boulevards, which look fantastic on the surface, but I think they may have realised they didn't have enough room to fit everything in so made intricate mazes of side streets to purposefully confuse unsuspecting travellers with a crude lonely planet sketch.
We didn't spend too much time in the city, but one thing that struck me was its frenetic pace, and frankly ridiculous amount of mopeds. There isn't a problem with over four million mopeds whizzing around contrived back alleys, but when there is absolutely no regard for traffic lights, give way signs or lost, clumsy travellers with over sized flips flops it's madness. Most of the time was looking through its history; we visited the war museum and a town which was the base for the Củ Chi tunnels. The museum was no holds barred, and showed some really disturbing images of the consequences of the widespread American attacks. It was very anti-American, and the fallacious notion of the United States as the great liberators took a bit of a hit. A particularly poignant part was a letter from a young, third generation victim of agent orange to Obama pleading for financial support for the continued plight of children with disabilities in Vietnam.
It was amazing to see the intricate tunnels and openings in the jungle floor where the Viet Cong fought the Americans. We went in some specially made 'European' sized (double) tunnels, which were scary enough. Going down on all fours through all the levels almost gave Tobes an asthma attack. I don't think we would be cut out for war, we couldn't walk thirty metres underground without wondering when the next toilet or tapioca snack was appearing. Our tour guide was actually born in the tunnels, and had a no-nonsense attitude to explaining things. After calling us big and fat countless times (I tried to stick up for us and explain that our bowels really haven't taken to Vietnamese cuisine, we still hadn't even seen a toilet in three days), I left feeling I needed a diet. Talking about Vietnamese cuisine, it certainly takes a bit of getting used to. We decided to go out and taste the local delicacies, and ordered some sort of broth with shredded pork, and a few sides. I was (relatively) happily tucking into it, when I saw Toby's anguished face. He got a subway. As I finished it off, I turned to a sumo-wrestler sized guy on my right who had been retching and gagging for the last five minutes. I decided against giving him what for, but realised he had chosen exactly what food I had. Fantastic.
We spent a few days travelling up the coast to Mũi Né and Nha Trang, some beach towns. Everything was going swimmingly until we boarded our overnight sleeper bus to Hoi An. Whatever I had said before about the anti-luxury buses provided in Cambodia, the sleeper buses in Vietnam were a different level of comfort. I wish I could put into words the feelings I had on that bus journey. There are two levels of awkwardly reclined beds with a moth ridden blanket on each. You do, unfortunately, end up clinging on to it for dear life because the intermittent air condition crevices above you spurt out jets of ice air/water every so often. That was only the start. We came to realise the driver must have dabbled in rally driving as he flung the suspension-less bus around the tight bends of coastal roads. In addition, it felt like each wheel arch had a pneumatic drill attached; the road was unbelievable. Every couple of minutes I would smash my knee/hip/head on the rusty frame of my chair. This was all tolerable until midway through the night, the guy behind me awoke screaming that a cockroach had just crawled up his t-shirt. He flung it off and inadvertently threw it on his mates face below him. After laughing for a few minutes I slowly realised that they were probably everywhere. The pitch black bus was suddenly full of hysterical screaming that cockroaches were invading the back seats. Moths were certainly better than cockroaches, so I wrapped it tightly and sweat myself to sleep.
Thankfully, Hoi An was possibly my favourite little town in the world. It prides itself of being the home of tailors. I arrived not really wanting anything, but Jay was planning on getting a suit so we went along with him. The place was full of women running around with tape measures and cloth. I compromised and thought I would get a winter coat. I am not much of a shopper, but after seeing how beautifully made they were, got seduced into then buying a suit. Both were absolutely fantastic, and it was really exciting going back for fittings. They call you in and pinch a prod you. I had little clue about how it should actually look so entrusted them with all assessments, occasionally chipping in to ask if I look like David Beckham yet. I had a close rapport going with my tailor, who insisted on doing some very friendly trouser measurements and running into the changing rooms to see if I could put a shirt on properly. After our tenth visit I thought a date request was in order, until her friend told me she had a newly born kid at home and worked seven days a week but If we wrote a recommendation on TripAdvisor she would get a day off. Feeling utterly terrible we rushed home to write lines of love. The things we wrote on that website, she must be on holiday in the Bahamas.
We then moved up to the north and to the capital, Hanoi. It must have been something to do with the altitude/latitude but the temperature was suddenly freezing. We spent a night walking round and splashing out on some 15 pence beer. It seemed to be a Vietnamese tradition to sit on plastic chairs at crossroads and drink beer and smoke. They claimed it was 'probably the cheapest beer in the world', which doesn't seem to have the same ring to it.
The next day we took a day trip to Ha Long bay, which was absolutely stunning. We ate some traditional Vietnamese seafood and then were invited to do some kayaking. Predictably, Toby and I were under prepared to say the least. People were wearing all sorts of winter jackets, hats, scarves and boots. We emerged from a cramped toilet wearing skimpy Full Moon Party fluorescent shorts, accompanied by waterproofs. I started to regret my small women's fluorescent pink mac in a bag. Twenty five pounds reduced to a fiver seemed to good a deal to pass up for a designer waterproof. I didn't take into account that the arms reached my elbow and it was more of a waterproof crop top. Toby was also looking fantastic in his oversized clear plastic bag waterproof bought from the respected outdoors establishment, the post office. To a series of weird looks we clambered into a kayak, and the operator told us we needed to buy tickets to paddle into the caves. Thinking this was absolutely ridiculous, we declined and paddled off. We obviously had a change of heart seeing everyone enter these beautiful caves, and decided that they must run a tab system. We splashed in to aggressive calls from the dock. The rest of our kayaking experience was filled with us paddling away from shouting and ticketers and devising unorthodox routes through large shipping lanes. After almost collapsing we snuck back on the boat and got changed. I put my fringe the other way. He never knew. At least fear forced us to end as proficient kayakers.
Our coarse planning had given us a shortage of time to catch our flight. We decided to leave Hanoi slightly early, saying bye to Jay and Rach which was more emotional than expected. The bus to Laos was relatively comfortable, but just took double the quoted time. Thirty hours later we arrived in Luang Prabang after the curfew. We managed to find some half cooked chicken and a snickers and slept.
I wouldn't say it was in a nutshell, but that was the last couple of weeks worth. It was more of a novel.
Scambodia
Hey there, t-heartthrob here. In the last few days me and dav have enjoyed our first sights of cambodia. Our first destination was siem reap. We've joined forces with Jay and Rachel who we met in phi phi. Dav and I envisioned going with two experienced travellers would reduce our risk of having a mare. It's safe to say it hasn't.
Our first mare/mugging happened before we even left Thailand. Previously, we had read not to get your visa unless it's at the border. Considering we had been squeezed into a mini van and been driving for around 5 hours, we were then told to hand over our passports for our visa by the travel rep. Already we had broken our first rule. Having said this though, we weren't given much of a choice as we hadn't a clue where we were so all 15 of us in the van had to hand over our passports and then hope. In the end there were no repercussions with the way we obtained our visas. What was to follow was worse. Firstly, I need to describe how our travel rep went from being a seemingly nice guy, to Derrick trotter. The guy was an absolute cowboy. He firstly told us that he was working as a volunteer for three months, before being put on the payroll by the travel company. Del boy then backed this obvious bull**** up with 'facts' as he said that there were no ATM machines in Cambodia, apart from the border. Yes i know, even with darius' masters and my business degree, were fools. Anyway, Del said the dollar was not used and that we should exchange it, at the border, for Cambodian reel. Inevitably, we felt a little lost and we did have our doubts, but when your in the situation it is very difficult. In the end, we all exchanged dollars for reel, luckily I only had a small amount of change so I wasn't too badly affected. Anyway, after querying everything, we decided to set off to siem reap in a taxi, not before being pestered by all del boy's mates who told us to tip him because he was a volunteer. Should have known he was a con when he kept saying "lovely jubly" an "alright geezer", in a cockney accent. Anyway, after leaving him behind, we cramped ourselves into a taxi that had seat belts but no buckle, pointless I know. The drive was horrific, the driver was beeping the whole journey, which lasted 2 hours. In Cambodia they beep to let any on coming vehicles or tuk tuks know we are passing. This was not the case with our driver who did it for the hell of it. Just to add, Jay stated that Cambodia is the most dangerous place he's travelled, in relation to the driving. This is saying something considering he and Rachel have been to all the places me and Dav are expected to visit. Jay has also done the most dangerous strip in the world, through central America. The stories he has of places such as el salvador, Honduras and panama are outrageously scary.
Anyway, after reaching our destination in siem reap, we sat down and explained to the English owner about our torrid experience. He then asked if we had received his e-mail, in the message it states not to exchange money at the border or believe any of the bull they say, frustrating to say the least.
After having a dismal day we decided to hit the town. Siem reap has array of bars and we ended up going to Angkor wat. This bar was unreal, only because it was full of Swedish blondes. If you ask Dav, he prob won't remember because he was to busy getting to know Kim, who worked at the hostel. Considering Jay an Rachel were an item I was the only singleton going, so I thought best to use some of my chat up lines. My only problem was I couldn't understand anything any girls were saying, not even these two Irish girls who I met. The amount of times I asked them to repeat themselves was too much so I got bored. Though, not before too long I got my first real mugging off, oh and Dav too. After Kim gave Darius a break to get some oxygen back inside him, we were eyed up by some swedes. Just thinking about this memory has me in stitches. Firstly, Dav gets up on the table, the next thing I think I'm seeing is Dav kissing an absolute beauty. Thinking Darius is onto a winner, they suddenly separate and then Darius appears to be holding something in his mouth. After trapping what looked like ice, between his teeth, he turned to me and shrugged as if to say "what the hell". Anyway, after realising what was going on, Dav then tried to pass it onto another girl. He started by poking the girl next to him, she turned away, he then tries another, again nothing. By this point, I was in stitches because I could tell davs mouth was about to freeze over. Eventually he spat it out, much to my amusement and his despair. Then came my mare. As I laughed and asked if Dav was alright, a Blondie turns to me and does exactly the same. Learning from davs experience I decide to get rid of it quickly before my lips turn purple. So I turn to see whose available, suddenly the girls then turn away, haha, the girl who then gave it to me nudges her mate, she turns around smiling, begins to lean towards me before stopping and mouthing "errrr, nooo way". Hahaha, mugged off so much. By this point, I had to do a Darius and spit it out. Dav found it hilarious, as did I, until we noticed a group of 15 casually swapping ice between their mouths, without a care in the world. It must have been my new £2 haircut and davs new size 14 flip flops that put them off. Saying this, I had also caught the sun on my nozzle a little bit which probably didn't help. This was only emphasised when some rando came up to me in the club and said "wow Rudolph, your nose is red". I could only laugh, whilst thinking, twat.
Thinking we were the bees knees after this, Dav decided to follow his flame to a club called hip-hop. As Dav states in his post, this place was very surreal, everyone was Cambodian, we were the only European looking people in there. At first I was a little wary considering all the bouncers had guns and everyone was staring at us. I then noticed I was the tallest person in there. Dav, or Ibagaza (argentinan footballer who is 5ft 5'. Thanks wikipedia) as I sometimes call him, was buzzing off of this. I then see him strolling through the dance floor with a swagger that left me laughing for ages. After this I didn't see Dav. Contrary to reports as stated in his blog ' Not wanting to be killjoys we ran to the dance floor and started to give some shape throwing education', there was no we. The little man had ran off to sit down with Kim. I was left to make some cambodian buddies. The experience was awesome, considering alot of these people do not have much money at all they seemed so happy to dance and so I made a couple of friends. Again, the language barrier was restricting, but after showing them the keepy uppy dance moves, they really got into it and even started showing me some moves. Then came the slow song, everyone paired off and I was left standing there, so I grabbed a crow bar and wedged Dav and kim's lips apart before heading home.
The next day, we all headed to the floating village. Just before leaving Darius told a frail looking Jay that there was a vodka smell wafting about. This sent him over the edge, he was off to throw up the two chips and one mouthful of chicken he had just tried to nail down. By now the four of us were pretty close and the amount of jokes (i.e banter) flying around, at times was too much as I was getting headaches from laughing. Btw anyone who knows me well, knows I hate the word banter, it's for lads who think their all that or as I see them as w******. Anyway back to the group dynamic, the abuse, I say abuse it's only light digs at each other, mainly come from jay and dav. The reason for this is because they both come out with the most hilarious an witty comments. This is something me and rachel struggle to live up to and constantly reminded of by jay, as hes always going on about an opening at banter school if I'm Interested. As alot of you are aware my comebacks are pretty shocking an the best I've been able to come up with are these...
- "dav, can you move your nose slightly I can't read the menu"
- "Dav, need a high chair?"
- "Dav, your abuse has taken a NOSE dive"
- or asking the diving instructor if he's got any goggles with extra nose room for Dav
-"Dav, I know your lieing, your nose grew again".
Though the best has been winding dav up about Kim and considering the word Kim is placed all over the place in Asia, the jokes never get old, unless your asking Dav of course. No need to worry though, its all a laugh and we all joke together and tease each other in a friendly manner.
Anyway, back to the day trip... We visited a floating village in the Cambodian jungle. The whole experience left me feeling ever so guilty and empathetic. All over the place there were obvious signs of poverty amongst the village and in a way I felt like the day trip was a mockery of these people. In the end we got to go visit them. My whole perspective changed, the children were so happy, they all ran about playing with each other whilst laughing. I was feeling fragile in terms of some of my emotions because I know I take for granted a lot of things and to see these people have nothing but still laugh, definitely made me think.
Anyway, gotta go, my sunburnt nose is still clear to see with three random people now mocking it. One even stopped me and took a photo, this Chinese woman then started grabbing my nose whilst laughing to her family.
Davs currently asleep, it's the stress of being a pin up boy for the cambodians, he's currently got one woman who loves him only for his hairy legs, though she does think he's 16, haha.
Oh and as for the nightmares dav talks about, it's all true. I can safely say these malaria tablets are playing tricks on my beauty sleeps. The worst part is I don't remember anything and having dav repeat to me the next morning is always a hilarious moment for everyone but myself.
Byeeee
Our first mare/mugging happened before we even left Thailand. Previously, we had read not to get your visa unless it's at the border. Considering we had been squeezed into a mini van and been driving for around 5 hours, we were then told to hand over our passports for our visa by the travel rep. Already we had broken our first rule. Having said this though, we weren't given much of a choice as we hadn't a clue where we were so all 15 of us in the van had to hand over our passports and then hope. In the end there were no repercussions with the way we obtained our visas. What was to follow was worse. Firstly, I need to describe how our travel rep went from being a seemingly nice guy, to Derrick trotter. The guy was an absolute cowboy. He firstly told us that he was working as a volunteer for three months, before being put on the payroll by the travel company. Del boy then backed this obvious bull**** up with 'facts' as he said that there were no ATM machines in Cambodia, apart from the border. Yes i know, even with darius' masters and my business degree, were fools. Anyway, Del said the dollar was not used and that we should exchange it, at the border, for Cambodian reel. Inevitably, we felt a little lost and we did have our doubts, but when your in the situation it is very difficult. In the end, we all exchanged dollars for reel, luckily I only had a small amount of change so I wasn't too badly affected. Anyway, after querying everything, we decided to set off to siem reap in a taxi, not before being pestered by all del boy's mates who told us to tip him because he was a volunteer. Should have known he was a con when he kept saying "lovely jubly" an "alright geezer", in a cockney accent. Anyway, after leaving him behind, we cramped ourselves into a taxi that had seat belts but no buckle, pointless I know. The drive was horrific, the driver was beeping the whole journey, which lasted 2 hours. In Cambodia they beep to let any on coming vehicles or tuk tuks know we are passing. This was not the case with our driver who did it for the hell of it. Just to add, Jay stated that Cambodia is the most dangerous place he's travelled, in relation to the driving. This is saying something considering he and Rachel have been to all the places me and Dav are expected to visit. Jay has also done the most dangerous strip in the world, through central America. The stories he has of places such as el salvador, Honduras and panama are outrageously scary.
Anyway, after reaching our destination in siem reap, we sat down and explained to the English owner about our torrid experience. He then asked if we had received his e-mail, in the message it states not to exchange money at the border or believe any of the bull they say, frustrating to say the least.
After having a dismal day we decided to hit the town. Siem reap has array of bars and we ended up going to Angkor wat. This bar was unreal, only because it was full of Swedish blondes. If you ask Dav, he prob won't remember because he was to busy getting to know Kim, who worked at the hostel. Considering Jay an Rachel were an item I was the only singleton going, so I thought best to use some of my chat up lines. My only problem was I couldn't understand anything any girls were saying, not even these two Irish girls who I met. The amount of times I asked them to repeat themselves was too much so I got bored. Though, not before too long I got my first real mugging off, oh and Dav too. After Kim gave Darius a break to get some oxygen back inside him, we were eyed up by some swedes. Just thinking about this memory has me in stitches. Firstly, Dav gets up on the table, the next thing I think I'm seeing is Dav kissing an absolute beauty. Thinking Darius is onto a winner, they suddenly separate and then Darius appears to be holding something in his mouth. After trapping what looked like ice, between his teeth, he turned to me and shrugged as if to say "what the hell". Anyway, after realising what was going on, Dav then tried to pass it onto another girl. He started by poking the girl next to him, she turned away, he then tries another, again nothing. By this point, I was in stitches because I could tell davs mouth was about to freeze over. Eventually he spat it out, much to my amusement and his despair. Then came my mare. As I laughed and asked if Dav was alright, a Blondie turns to me and does exactly the same. Learning from davs experience I decide to get rid of it quickly before my lips turn purple. So I turn to see whose available, suddenly the girls then turn away, haha, the girl who then gave it to me nudges her mate, she turns around smiling, begins to lean towards me before stopping and mouthing "errrr, nooo way". Hahaha, mugged off so much. By this point, I had to do a Darius and spit it out. Dav found it hilarious, as did I, until we noticed a group of 15 casually swapping ice between their mouths, without a care in the world. It must have been my new £2 haircut and davs new size 14 flip flops that put them off. Saying this, I had also caught the sun on my nozzle a little bit which probably didn't help. This was only emphasised when some rando came up to me in the club and said "wow Rudolph, your nose is red". I could only laugh, whilst thinking, twat.
Thinking we were the bees knees after this, Dav decided to follow his flame to a club called hip-hop. As Dav states in his post, this place was very surreal, everyone was Cambodian, we were the only European looking people in there. At first I was a little wary considering all the bouncers had guns and everyone was staring at us. I then noticed I was the tallest person in there. Dav, or Ibagaza (argentinan footballer who is 5ft 5'. Thanks wikipedia) as I sometimes call him, was buzzing off of this. I then see him strolling through the dance floor with a swagger that left me laughing for ages. After this I didn't see Dav. Contrary to reports as stated in his blog ' Not wanting to be killjoys we ran to the dance floor and started to give some shape throwing education', there was no we. The little man had ran off to sit down with Kim. I was left to make some cambodian buddies. The experience was awesome, considering alot of these people do not have much money at all they seemed so happy to dance and so I made a couple of friends. Again, the language barrier was restricting, but after showing them the keepy uppy dance moves, they really got into it and even started showing me some moves. Then came the slow song, everyone paired off and I was left standing there, so I grabbed a crow bar and wedged Dav and kim's lips apart before heading home.
The next day, we all headed to the floating village. Just before leaving Darius told a frail looking Jay that there was a vodka smell wafting about. This sent him over the edge, he was off to throw up the two chips and one mouthful of chicken he had just tried to nail down. By now the four of us were pretty close and the amount of jokes (i.e banter) flying around, at times was too much as I was getting headaches from laughing. Btw anyone who knows me well, knows I hate the word banter, it's for lads who think their all that or as I see them as w******. Anyway back to the group dynamic, the abuse, I say abuse it's only light digs at each other, mainly come from jay and dav. The reason for this is because they both come out with the most hilarious an witty comments. This is something me and rachel struggle to live up to and constantly reminded of by jay, as hes always going on about an opening at banter school if I'm Interested. As alot of you are aware my comebacks are pretty shocking an the best I've been able to come up with are these...
- "dav, can you move your nose slightly I can't read the menu"
- "Dav, need a high chair?"
- "Dav, your abuse has taken a NOSE dive"
- or asking the diving instructor if he's got any goggles with extra nose room for Dav
-"Dav, I know your lieing, your nose grew again".
Though the best has been winding dav up about Kim and considering the word Kim is placed all over the place in Asia, the jokes never get old, unless your asking Dav of course. No need to worry though, its all a laugh and we all joke together and tease each other in a friendly manner.
Anyway, back to the day trip... We visited a floating village in the Cambodian jungle. The whole experience left me feeling ever so guilty and empathetic. All over the place there were obvious signs of poverty amongst the village and in a way I felt like the day trip was a mockery of these people. In the end we got to go visit them. My whole perspective changed, the children were so happy, they all ran about playing with each other whilst laughing. I was feeling fragile in terms of some of my emotions because I know I take for granted a lot of things and to see these people have nothing but still laugh, definitely made me think.
Anyway, gotta go, my sunburnt nose is still clear to see with three random people now mocking it. One even stopped me and took a photo, this Chinese woman then started grabbing my nose whilst laughing to her family.
Davs currently asleep, it's the stress of being a pin up boy for the cambodians, he's currently got one woman who loves him only for his hairy legs, though she does think he's 16, haha.
Oh and as for the nightmares dav talks about, it's all true. I can safely say these malaria tablets are playing tricks on my beauty sleeps. The worst part is I don't remember anything and having dav repeat to me the next morning is always a hilarious moment for everyone but myself.
Byeeee
Trotters Independent Temples
I genuinely used to love the Irish twang. After an overnight bus back to Bangkok, a total of twelve to fifteen hours (scheduling is unimportant) of unimaginably poor Irish accented jokes were megaphoned into my sleep deprived ear. With every cackle my blocked ear was getting better though, which was some solace.
After a fleeting visit in the capital, we booked a bus to Siem Reap, Cambodia. After seemingly hours of waiting for a minibus, one showed up. The passengers all looked at each other in horror as this tiny eight seater was allocated to almost ten of us with huge bags. We prayed for some Mary Poppinsesque packing. That wasn't even it, out of nowhere a woman causally strolled past us all pushing a pram and jumped aboard. If there is a defining quality about South East Asia it's that queues and punctuality absolutely do not exist. Any time quoted is inexorably an hour or two later. We can empathise somewhat though, our punctuality is now directly correlated to bowel movement irregularity. I don't think there has been one instance of us leaving a hostel without Tobes nipping to the toilet. Just as our time keeping has slowly slipped into the accepted Asian way, as has our contempt for shoes. Not just because they are stolen every five minutes, but because they are never ever worn. It is completely normal for even the nicest restaurant to have an overwhelming pong of cheese. We parade down streets and pretty much everywhere without shoes now, I have no idea why.
As the bus driver gave all of us yet more incoherent hand waving, somehow we were last to make it on. Our gentlemanly nature and inbred decorum knows no bounds. Especially when, last on, the driver shows me a seatbeltless chair (of sorts) to perch on, and then proceeded to close up the pram (very considerate) and throw it at me. When it quite obviously didn't fit, he decided to turn his back and give it a several shoves, like a female suitcase packing session to Marbella. Feeling like a shipment of rice, we made it to the border, where we had it oh so much worse.
We were met by a jack the lad type, who welcomed us to Cambodia and helped us sort out our visas. We boarded yet another bus, queued for a long time at customs and then were subject to one of the longest spiels about money availability and the necessity to get it all out at the border. Wait a minute, we had been here before, was it not the start of a scam? Obviously we thought not and so got lots of Thai baht out at border and crossed over. He had managed to get us on side by his incessant faux cockney accent, massaging our egos by calling us 'guv'nor' and 'geezers'. Thinking we were some sort of East End gangsters we moseyed on through customs. By this time in his tried and tested roleplay he was Del Boy (in hindsight, an absurdly obvious bloody character) and Toby was Rodders (I think that's what convinced me). We were met by countless 'volunteers' who eagerly gave us their opinions about how, where and why we should change up all our money at the border. Experienced, seasoned travellers Jay and Rach had just commented moments before about the scams people pulled at borders, and extortionate exchange rates they push onto unsuspecting travellers such as ourselves. Surely we had enough about us to refuse their frankly obvious and transparent advances? Alas no, we were once again caught in Del Boy's web of deceit and exchanged up money whilst attempting fraught mental maths with exchange rates made up on the spot.
Somehow, we were also convinced to get a terrifying two hour taxi to Siem Reap from the border. I still don't know what side of the road you drive on in Cambodia. Del had committed the perfect crime, we thought we had been given fantastic advice and even tipped him. As he smiled and waved us off, I really hope his guilt turns him into a withering insomniac.
We arrived in Siem Reap to a fantastic hostel, owned by an English guy. He welcomed us with open arms, and went on to detail everywhere we went wrong at the border to Scambodia (or so he called it). After reading an excerpt from Rachel's lonely planet, and the email from the hostel owner we missed both forbidding us to fall for the border crossing money exchange scam we weren't best pleased. I think we should write a book after all of this; 'Scams in South East Asia'. If it is anywhere near a bestseller, we might recoup part of the invisible money we have spent here.
Siem Reap was probably the best place we had been so far. We organised a trip to see the monumental temples around Angkor Wat, all of which were incredible. We had hired a tuk tuk out for the day with a really friendly, informative driver called Go-go (we didn't inquire about his night time activities). He showed us around the inner circle of temples ending at Angkor Wat for sunset, absolutely stunning.
Siem Reap is a relatively small town, and is essentially a pre planned urban area (something like Milton Keynes), solely for tourists to see the temples. Everything is temple orientated, so it wasn't a surprise when we went out to two bars; Angkor What? and Temple bar. The exploitation of those temples knows no bounds. Cocktails were even named after ninth century monuments, fantastic.
We had a little group from the hostel to head out, and after dropping into the western style bars we went to a out and out Cambodian club called Hip Hop. It's safe to say anything but hip hop was played there. We heard a thumping, slow bass line and were rigorously frisked as we walked in. It turned out that was a typical Cambodian student night tune. No words, just a slow, loud boom every few seconds. Not wanting to be killjoys we ran to the dance floor and started to give some shape throwing education. Every few songs they play some western music, which helped out a bit. Just as we were managing to gain territory on the cut throat dance floor they threw us a curve ball and played a slow song. Picture the scene; lots of loved up Cambodians grabbing a partner in romantic bliss to start a year five-esque weight shift to either foot, awkwardly clasping hips and shoulders with outstretched hands whilst Toby and I look at each other in horror. We had to scuttle off. It was then that I realised my relatively small frame was pretty much the largest in the club. I'm not known for my height, and Cambodians are even less so. As I strutted around the club I felt like Peter Crouch. Just as I got out my camera to take a picture of the top of everyone's heads, security grabbed me and shook his truncheon aggressively. No pictures. It did make me chuckle that security all stood on towering platforms dotted around the club.
After Siem Reap we got a minibus to Phnom Penh, the capital. Roads had decreased in quality quite sharply since Thailand, so we all arrived feeling queasy. We spent a historical couple of days, visiting the remnants of the Khmer Rouge regime. The prison camp S-21 and the killing fields were harrowing experiences, so we spent most evenings in the hostel chatting.
Toby has continued to claim countless victims with his late night lung bursting. It has reached new decibel levels, and people are fleeing from dorms. I even had a night in a very spacious double bed in the Siem Reap hostel, as Tobes spent most of the night standing/sleeping in the hallway outside in his boxers. Jay and Rach were treated to one in Phnom Penh, which evacuated the rest of the dorm. Some of the stuff I get accused of in the middle of the night is scandalous. Having said that I sleep through most of them now, only waking up to check there isn't a bogeyman under the bed, and to nod in acceptance at the vitriol from Tobes mouth.
The cities were swelteringly hot, so we were eager to move to cooler climes. After a couple of days seeing markets and the city we decided to move on. We just managed to catch a night bus to Vietnam. We had stocked up on money, ready to enthusiastically thrust it all into the hands of anyone who had heard of Fawlty Towers.
After a fleeting visit in the capital, we booked a bus to Siem Reap, Cambodia. After seemingly hours of waiting for a minibus, one showed up. The passengers all looked at each other in horror as this tiny eight seater was allocated to almost ten of us with huge bags. We prayed for some Mary Poppinsesque packing. That wasn't even it, out of nowhere a woman causally strolled past us all pushing a pram and jumped aboard. If there is a defining quality about South East Asia it's that queues and punctuality absolutely do not exist. Any time quoted is inexorably an hour or two later. We can empathise somewhat though, our punctuality is now directly correlated to bowel movement irregularity. I don't think there has been one instance of us leaving a hostel without Tobes nipping to the toilet. Just as our time keeping has slowly slipped into the accepted Asian way, as has our contempt for shoes. Not just because they are stolen every five minutes, but because they are never ever worn. It is completely normal for even the nicest restaurant to have an overwhelming pong of cheese. We parade down streets and pretty much everywhere without shoes now, I have no idea why.
As the bus driver gave all of us yet more incoherent hand waving, somehow we were last to make it on. Our gentlemanly nature and inbred decorum knows no bounds. Especially when, last on, the driver shows me a seatbeltless chair (of sorts) to perch on, and then proceeded to close up the pram (very considerate) and throw it at me. When it quite obviously didn't fit, he decided to turn his back and give it a several shoves, like a female suitcase packing session to Marbella. Feeling like a shipment of rice, we made it to the border, where we had it oh so much worse.
We were met by a jack the lad type, who welcomed us to Cambodia and helped us sort out our visas. We boarded yet another bus, queued for a long time at customs and then were subject to one of the longest spiels about money availability and the necessity to get it all out at the border. Wait a minute, we had been here before, was it not the start of a scam? Obviously we thought not and so got lots of Thai baht out at border and crossed over. He had managed to get us on side by his incessant faux cockney accent, massaging our egos by calling us 'guv'nor' and 'geezers'. Thinking we were some sort of East End gangsters we moseyed on through customs. By this time in his tried and tested roleplay he was Del Boy (in hindsight, an absurdly obvious bloody character) and Toby was Rodders (I think that's what convinced me). We were met by countless 'volunteers' who eagerly gave us their opinions about how, where and why we should change up all our money at the border. Experienced, seasoned travellers Jay and Rach had just commented moments before about the scams people pulled at borders, and extortionate exchange rates they push onto unsuspecting travellers such as ourselves. Surely we had enough about us to refuse their frankly obvious and transparent advances? Alas no, we were once again caught in Del Boy's web of deceit and exchanged up money whilst attempting fraught mental maths with exchange rates made up on the spot.
Somehow, we were also convinced to get a terrifying two hour taxi to Siem Reap from the border. I still don't know what side of the road you drive on in Cambodia. Del had committed the perfect crime, we thought we had been given fantastic advice and even tipped him. As he smiled and waved us off, I really hope his guilt turns him into a withering insomniac.
We arrived in Siem Reap to a fantastic hostel, owned by an English guy. He welcomed us with open arms, and went on to detail everywhere we went wrong at the border to Scambodia (or so he called it). After reading an excerpt from Rachel's lonely planet, and the email from the hostel owner we missed both forbidding us to fall for the border crossing money exchange scam we weren't best pleased. I think we should write a book after all of this; 'Scams in South East Asia'. If it is anywhere near a bestseller, we might recoup part of the invisible money we have spent here.
Siem Reap was probably the best place we had been so far. We organised a trip to see the monumental temples around Angkor Wat, all of which were incredible. We had hired a tuk tuk out for the day with a really friendly, informative driver called Go-go (we didn't inquire about his night time activities). He showed us around the inner circle of temples ending at Angkor Wat for sunset, absolutely stunning.
Siem Reap is a relatively small town, and is essentially a pre planned urban area (something like Milton Keynes), solely for tourists to see the temples. Everything is temple orientated, so it wasn't a surprise when we went out to two bars; Angkor What? and Temple bar. The exploitation of those temples knows no bounds. Cocktails were even named after ninth century monuments, fantastic.
We had a little group from the hostel to head out, and after dropping into the western style bars we went to a out and out Cambodian club called Hip Hop. It's safe to say anything but hip hop was played there. We heard a thumping, slow bass line and were rigorously frisked as we walked in. It turned out that was a typical Cambodian student night tune. No words, just a slow, loud boom every few seconds. Not wanting to be killjoys we ran to the dance floor and started to give some shape throwing education. Every few songs they play some western music, which helped out a bit. Just as we were managing to gain territory on the cut throat dance floor they threw us a curve ball and played a slow song. Picture the scene; lots of loved up Cambodians grabbing a partner in romantic bliss to start a year five-esque weight shift to either foot, awkwardly clasping hips and shoulders with outstretched hands whilst Toby and I look at each other in horror. We had to scuttle off. It was then that I realised my relatively small frame was pretty much the largest in the club. I'm not known for my height, and Cambodians are even less so. As I strutted around the club I felt like Peter Crouch. Just as I got out my camera to take a picture of the top of everyone's heads, security grabbed me and shook his truncheon aggressively. No pictures. It did make me chuckle that security all stood on towering platforms dotted around the club.
After Siem Reap we got a minibus to Phnom Penh, the capital. Roads had decreased in quality quite sharply since Thailand, so we all arrived feeling queasy. We spent a historical couple of days, visiting the remnants of the Khmer Rouge regime. The prison camp S-21 and the killing fields were harrowing experiences, so we spent most evenings in the hostel chatting.
Toby has continued to claim countless victims with his late night lung bursting. It has reached new decibel levels, and people are fleeing from dorms. I even had a night in a very spacious double bed in the Siem Reap hostel, as Tobes spent most of the night standing/sleeping in the hallway outside in his boxers. Jay and Rach were treated to one in Phnom Penh, which evacuated the rest of the dorm. Some of the stuff I get accused of in the middle of the night is scandalous. Having said that I sleep through most of them now, only waking up to check there isn't a bogeyman under the bed, and to nod in acceptance at the vitriol from Tobes mouth.
The cities were swelteringly hot, so we were eager to move to cooler climes. After a couple of days seeing markets and the city we decided to move on. We just managed to catch a night bus to Vietnam. We had stocked up on money, ready to enthusiastically thrust it all into the hands of anyone who had heard of Fawlty Towers.
Lunarcy
Apologies for the lack of updates, we will endeavour to keep you posted through sunstroke and screaming more often from now on.
After Phi Phi, and our fantastic experience with the VIP bus on the way down to Krabi, we booked another across to Koh Tao, to hopefully do some scuba diving. It turns out VIP is a fairly relaxed term. After the boat to Krabi we were ushered onto possibly the worst vehicle ever made. In addition, we were late as Toby had a toilet timeout and the bus was packed to the rafters. I wasn't completely understanding the driver who maintained his frantic waving and pushing us onto the bus/reliant robin. We walked to the back of the bus where there was a precarious wooden ledge reserved for stragglers; us. We clambered on and said a few prayers. As the driver sped down roads made in another century we held on for dear life the driver swerved to the side of the road on a relatively desolate stretch and ran away, leaving us thinking we were quite obviously done for. I was just about to overdose on malaria tablets, he came back holding a clear plastic bag full of whole fish. Apparently it's standard practice to pop in and get a fish supper whilst on duty. The next mode of transport was a miniminibus to Chumpon. Drivers in Thailand drink a form of Red Bull which keeps them awake whilst driving. Unfortunately, a side effect is a constant jabber at a noise pollution volume. His poor co-driver (and the rest of the bus) were absolutely not allowed a second of kip due to his incessant drivel. He didn't stop to draw breath for the entire 7 hour journey. When his co-driver finally managed to escape half way there, he instantly got out his phone and carried on where he let off. I think he called the talking clock.
After a roller coaster night boat we arrived at Koh Tao and booked ourselves onto an open water dive course. I was really excited to get started, it's something I had been really looking forward to. Toby's perspective was literally the antithesis of mine. Pure trepidation; I don't think my constant anticipation for whale sharks at twenty metres helped.
Our group consisted of a few Dutch guys, a Chinese guy and us. Our instructor was also Dutch, so the whole course being taught in English and the relaying of copious dutch anecdotes wasn't the least bit awkward for us two.
The course had us in the classroom with knowledge tests and a massive final exam which had us revising for hours. We did something like five dives, each at progressively deeper depths. We saw countless fish, coral and learnt loads of 'skills' underwater. Lots of underwater volleyball, and general messing around.
PADI scuba courses stipulate you always have to dive with a buddy. As you would expect, Tobes was my buddy. I found scuba diving an unbelievable experience, every dive going further away and exploring. The liberation of the deep water wasn't contagious, and my buddy limited underwater discovery. Every time I glanced round to check where he was, surprise surprise, he was within touching distance of our instructor giving him the okay sign. He wasn't even asking half the time.
Unfortunately, you can't dive with a cold. Obviously, I had picked up a terrible cold in boiling hot, southern Thailand. I just stuck with it the first few days but my ears were getting more and more excruciating. The final dive to twenty metres was the last one we needed for the certification, and my head and ears were pounding. As we descended we were both having problems equalising, but eventually got there. Returning to the surface I slowly realised I was completely deaf in one ear.
Another something which seems to pervade Thai culture is the freedom to pick and choose what flip flops you fancy wearing on a particular day, out of everyone who owns a pair. Asian custom is to remove shoes when you enter a building, which leaves a fantastic flip flop pick and mix for potential sandal thieves. Hilariously, Tobes had his nicked on the first day we were there. Obviously it was only a matter of time before mine were pinched. On the second to last day, after literally nipping in to get an iced cream I ran outside to see no sign of my treasured flip flops. As I made my way back, tiptoeing over the gravel shaking my head I saw the thief. He was sitting there just relaxing like some member of Ocean's Eleven tapping his feet in my flip flops. I was honestly so sure, but obviously couldn't confront him so carried on back. I had promised to Tobe that it wasn't on, and if I saw him again I would hatch a plan to get them back. That night, we were sitting waiting for our last of many incredible barbecues by the beach, bare footed, cursing that guy. Literally as we were taking about it he waltzes past in his new, shiny flip flops like its London fashion week; the cheek. A little later on we were walking home and no joke, I saw my slippers sitting on their own by a bench. Was it a trap? I went for it. Ran and grabbed them, I felt like a mafia boss. Running away like a little girl, karma twisted my ankle as I realised they were two sizes to big. Probably the guiltiest couple of days ever after that.
After Ko Tao we headed to Koh Phangan for the Full Moon Party. We met Sam, Anna and their friend Lily and has such a good few days. We stayed in a hostel which started off clean and accommodating, but by the night before full moon it was literally a hovel, with the toilets all virtual swamps.
It was our first experience of a dorm, and were fairly apprehensive with Toby's night time operettas in mind. Lo and behold, after the first night I had to jump up terrified, heart racing to shh Tman. It was too late, he was the talk of the hostel. Not only our Brazilian room mates who woke up horrified, the next day people interrogated him from the dorm upstairs!
The final night topped it off. A Canadian girl in the bed next to us was treated to a high pitched, deafening, repeated "HELLO, HELLO, HELLO" from a possessed, peering Toby and half four in the morning. Needless to say, she left at the crack of dawn.
Our first night out involved the beach and lots of falling over benches, conversations with ping pongers and a moderate amount of buckets. We finished the night at a pool party, where the Dutch guys we did our scuba diving course were so happy to see me I was lobbed in the pool, absolutely ruining my back. The night ended with dubious chicken which was taken back to the swamp.
Full moon night was phenomenal. We spend hours meticulously putting paint on ourselves which came off almost instantly. Toby's bowels had once again picked an opportune time to whirr away, and we almost had a mini full moon rehearsal in our room before.
We had decided to upgrade our bucket size and it was a recipe for disaster really. After lots of podium dancing and some indescribable sights, the night was in its ascendancy and the forty thousand people on the beach were a juggernaut of euphoria and showed no signs of letting up. Apart from Samanily that is, they decided to go back for a nap. After almost falling off the podium in shock, I tried to convince them against it to no avail. My chlorinated trainers got saturated with sand and salt, and eventually covered in blood, adding to my list of injuries.
Jay and Rach, the couple from Essex stayed out and we managed to work our way down the beach, usually keeping the clubs on my left hand side due to a completely clogged ear.
Phangan was an absolute highlight in fairness, and great seeing the girls. We know you constantly tune in, so hope you're all good. I left with a broken back, smashed shins, cracked coccyx, tone deaf, battered, bruised and with a large dose of hypochondria. Did, however, instantly miss it as I ran for the bus to Bangkok in my oversized flip flops.
We packed ourselves onto a boat which was triple full, and onto a horrendous bus with Jay and Rach, back to Bangkok full of banter to make our way to Cambodia.
After Phi Phi, and our fantastic experience with the VIP bus on the way down to Krabi, we booked another across to Koh Tao, to hopefully do some scuba diving. It turns out VIP is a fairly relaxed term. After the boat to Krabi we were ushered onto possibly the worst vehicle ever made. In addition, we were late as Toby had a toilet timeout and the bus was packed to the rafters. I wasn't completely understanding the driver who maintained his frantic waving and pushing us onto the bus/reliant robin. We walked to the back of the bus where there was a precarious wooden ledge reserved for stragglers; us. We clambered on and said a few prayers. As the driver sped down roads made in another century we held on for dear life the driver swerved to the side of the road on a relatively desolate stretch and ran away, leaving us thinking we were quite obviously done for. I was just about to overdose on malaria tablets, he came back holding a clear plastic bag full of whole fish. Apparently it's standard practice to pop in and get a fish supper whilst on duty. The next mode of transport was a miniminibus to Chumpon. Drivers in Thailand drink a form of Red Bull which keeps them awake whilst driving. Unfortunately, a side effect is a constant jabber at a noise pollution volume. His poor co-driver (and the rest of the bus) were absolutely not allowed a second of kip due to his incessant drivel. He didn't stop to draw breath for the entire 7 hour journey. When his co-driver finally managed to escape half way there, he instantly got out his phone and carried on where he let off. I think he called the talking clock.
After a roller coaster night boat we arrived at Koh Tao and booked ourselves onto an open water dive course. I was really excited to get started, it's something I had been really looking forward to. Toby's perspective was literally the antithesis of mine. Pure trepidation; I don't think my constant anticipation for whale sharks at twenty metres helped.
Our group consisted of a few Dutch guys, a Chinese guy and us. Our instructor was also Dutch, so the whole course being taught in English and the relaying of copious dutch anecdotes wasn't the least bit awkward for us two.
The course had us in the classroom with knowledge tests and a massive final exam which had us revising for hours. We did something like five dives, each at progressively deeper depths. We saw countless fish, coral and learnt loads of 'skills' underwater. Lots of underwater volleyball, and general messing around.
PADI scuba courses stipulate you always have to dive with a buddy. As you would expect, Tobes was my buddy. I found scuba diving an unbelievable experience, every dive going further away and exploring. The liberation of the deep water wasn't contagious, and my buddy limited underwater discovery. Every time I glanced round to check where he was, surprise surprise, he was within touching distance of our instructor giving him the okay sign. He wasn't even asking half the time.
Unfortunately, you can't dive with a cold. Obviously, I had picked up a terrible cold in boiling hot, southern Thailand. I just stuck with it the first few days but my ears were getting more and more excruciating. The final dive to twenty metres was the last one we needed for the certification, and my head and ears were pounding. As we descended we were both having problems equalising, but eventually got there. Returning to the surface I slowly realised I was completely deaf in one ear.
Another something which seems to pervade Thai culture is the freedom to pick and choose what flip flops you fancy wearing on a particular day, out of everyone who owns a pair. Asian custom is to remove shoes when you enter a building, which leaves a fantastic flip flop pick and mix for potential sandal thieves. Hilariously, Tobes had his nicked on the first day we were there. Obviously it was only a matter of time before mine were pinched. On the second to last day, after literally nipping in to get an iced cream I ran outside to see no sign of my treasured flip flops. As I made my way back, tiptoeing over the gravel shaking my head I saw the thief. He was sitting there just relaxing like some member of Ocean's Eleven tapping his feet in my flip flops. I was honestly so sure, but obviously couldn't confront him so carried on back. I had promised to Tobe that it wasn't on, and if I saw him again I would hatch a plan to get them back. That night, we were sitting waiting for our last of many incredible barbecues by the beach, bare footed, cursing that guy. Literally as we were taking about it he waltzes past in his new, shiny flip flops like its London fashion week; the cheek. A little later on we were walking home and no joke, I saw my slippers sitting on their own by a bench. Was it a trap? I went for it. Ran and grabbed them, I felt like a mafia boss. Running away like a little girl, karma twisted my ankle as I realised they were two sizes to big. Probably the guiltiest couple of days ever after that.
After Ko Tao we headed to Koh Phangan for the Full Moon Party. We met Sam, Anna and their friend Lily and has such a good few days. We stayed in a hostel which started off clean and accommodating, but by the night before full moon it was literally a hovel, with the toilets all virtual swamps.
It was our first experience of a dorm, and were fairly apprehensive with Toby's night time operettas in mind. Lo and behold, after the first night I had to jump up terrified, heart racing to shh Tman. It was too late, he was the talk of the hostel. Not only our Brazilian room mates who woke up horrified, the next day people interrogated him from the dorm upstairs!
The final night topped it off. A Canadian girl in the bed next to us was treated to a high pitched, deafening, repeated "HELLO, HELLO, HELLO" from a possessed, peering Toby and half four in the morning. Needless to say, she left at the crack of dawn.
Our first night out involved the beach and lots of falling over benches, conversations with ping pongers and a moderate amount of buckets. We finished the night at a pool party, where the Dutch guys we did our scuba diving course were so happy to see me I was lobbed in the pool, absolutely ruining my back. The night ended with dubious chicken which was taken back to the swamp.
Full moon night was phenomenal. We spend hours meticulously putting paint on ourselves which came off almost instantly. Toby's bowels had once again picked an opportune time to whirr away, and we almost had a mini full moon rehearsal in our room before.
We had decided to upgrade our bucket size and it was a recipe for disaster really. After lots of podium dancing and some indescribable sights, the night was in its ascendancy and the forty thousand people on the beach were a juggernaut of euphoria and showed no signs of letting up. Apart from Samanily that is, they decided to go back for a nap. After almost falling off the podium in shock, I tried to convince them against it to no avail. My chlorinated trainers got saturated with sand and salt, and eventually covered in blood, adding to my list of injuries.
Jay and Rach, the couple from Essex stayed out and we managed to work our way down the beach, usually keeping the clubs on my left hand side due to a completely clogged ear.
Phangan was an absolute highlight in fairness, and great seeing the girls. We know you constantly tune in, so hope you're all good. I left with a broken back, smashed shins, cracked coccyx, tone deaf, battered, bruised and with a large dose of hypochondria. Did, however, instantly miss it as I ran for the bus to Bangkok in my oversized flip flops.
We packed ourselves onto a boat which was triple full, and onto a horrendous bus with Jay and Rach, back to Bangkok full of banter to make our way to Cambodia.
Koh Tao
Alright, toby here. Hope your all well. Darius is currently drying his shoes off outside because a dutch guy pushed him in the pool with all his clothes on last night, haha. We both have horrible ear aches meaning the majority of what we say to eachother is "what?" or "huh?", all brought on by diving.
During the past few days me and dav have been in koh tao, which is a tiny island that is renowned for it's underwater diving. The padi diving certificate is something that really excited darius, so after hours of pestering I gave in and thought I'd try and conquer one of my fears, that is the deep blue. Truthfully, I could not give a monkeys about fish, unless it's nemo, nor any of the coral, but what motivated me was to overcome the fear which has probably been brought on by stupid jaws and other so called horror sea stories. The problem for me is not the swimming but the thought of diving to around 20 metres.
The Padi diving certificate took four days to complete. The first day was spent in a class room, ye I know a bloody classroom, the thought of going travelling just to experience being back at school really bored me. What also pissed me off further was the fact that due to having mild asthma I was told for precautionary reasons I had to go have a medical. This was nothing like a medical the Footy stars get, they probably get chauffeured to the hospital and get grade A hospitality. What I got was a dodgy ride on the back of a motorbike with no shoes on. Btw the reason I wasn't wearing shoes is because some mug decided to steal mine. Just to digress, in Thailand the common courtesy, when entering a building is to take your shoes off. Though in koh tao, it seemed like the custom was also to take whatever flip flops you wanted when leaving, so you can imagine my face when i left only to find someone had taken mine. Anyway back to the story, after witnessing the most shocking driving from the 'chauffeur', I managed to burn the back of my calf on the exhaust, stupid thing. What was to follow was even more pointless, the doc spent 3 minutes with me, he hit my back and asked if I had inhaler and then said yep your fine. I had to pay six pounds for this, he didn't even do anything. So I hopped back on the motorbike an the mad man whizzed me home.
The next day we had a morning exam, by this point I was regretting doing this stupid course. What made it worse was when the instructor went through all the fish. Some of what he expected us to see weren't fish but monsters, ugly, massive and f****** scary. The whale shark was the worst, averaging 6 metres in length, it's safe to say I needed to go toilet after hearing all this. But then came the sucker punch, when the instructor informed us that "Nemo is a bit of a w*****". Apparently he doesn't like humans, so there went my love for the little dude.
After lunch, we headed out for our first dive. The dive went down to 9 metres and to be honest my first thoughts were terrible, not only that, I also I couldn't see a thing, I forgot to gob up a 'greeny' and spit into my goggles which is what your meant to do on the surface. What didn't help was the fact that darius would constantly give the shark sign and point into the distance.
The following day we went to 12metres. At this point I was a little more comfortable with the surroundings, though me and darius by now had horrific ear aches because we found it extremely difficult to equalise. Saying this, when we eventually got down to 12m me and darius spent most of the time just giving each other the middle finger, which had us in stitches for ages, to the point where we kept breathing so hard our goggles would fill with water. Btw, having darius as your diving 'buddy' was not the best for me. The buddy system means you need to stay within a few metres of eachother and make sure the other is all fine, Darius on the other hand would spend the whole time giving me the shark sign and swim off.
The night before our final dive I got ill again, but this time I spent the entire night on the toilet. I should have known considering I saw the chef pick his nose and sneeze into his hand. I woke up the next day feeling horrific, but in the end I decided to go through with it. The instructor said all I needed to do was complete the task underwater and within 20 minutes be out of the water, by which time I would have completed the Padi certification. Our first dive, they said was 18metres but it took 45 mins to get to. Previously, all the other dives had been near a bay, but this dive site was literally 45 minutes out in the open. You could not see land at all, I was a little sceptical, what didn't help was having a bad tum. Anyway, when we eventually anchored and we dived in, I took a glance under water and no lie the visibility was around one metre, not only that but the current was so strong that it was extremely dark. It took me and Darius 15metres to equalise, this was due to our ears being blocked from previous dives. This meant that the pressure build up inside our airways was causing alot of pain and so it meant we had to stagger our descent. At one point it was just me, Darius and one of the instructors. Darius was struggling bad, so the instructor told me to go to the bottom and join the others, I looked down and couldn't see a thing so I pretended my ears were hurting too, because no way was I entering 18metres on my own with just the image of massive dark shadows moving below me. Anyway, when we met up with everyone, we were around 20metres, this was deeper than allowed but we had to due to the strong current and poor visibility. The actual depth of this site was 30 plus metres. I hardly saw any fish at this dive site but not surprising considering I couldn't see the two guys in front of me half the time.
Concluding koh Tao, me and Darius attained our Padi diving certificate. Darius is already thinking of doing his advanced diving course but I'm content with what I've got. To be honest, I can't see myself doing it again, I only did it to conquer my fear of deep diving. Saying this, we had one guy in our group called dong, he was a nice guy but couldn't swim. He had me and Darius in stitches at times because when we had to be neutrally buoyant, close to the ocean bed, all we would see was dong floating up to the surface every 30 seconds. The amount of times we were facing the instructor and dong would zip up past us, was just too many. At times he even annoyed us because we had to swim in pairs but he would jut swim on top or underneath and in doing so would knock out our regulator or goggles. Overall though, I had a lot of respect for his guy. I found it intimidating just thinking about diving, dong on the other hand couldn't even swim and so to complete it was a real achievement.
Next up full moon party, I had a mare the first night. More will be explained.
During the past few days me and dav have been in koh tao, which is a tiny island that is renowned for it's underwater diving. The padi diving certificate is something that really excited darius, so after hours of pestering I gave in and thought I'd try and conquer one of my fears, that is the deep blue. Truthfully, I could not give a monkeys about fish, unless it's nemo, nor any of the coral, but what motivated me was to overcome the fear which has probably been brought on by stupid jaws and other so called horror sea stories. The problem for me is not the swimming but the thought of diving to around 20 metres.
The Padi diving certificate took four days to complete. The first day was spent in a class room, ye I know a bloody classroom, the thought of going travelling just to experience being back at school really bored me. What also pissed me off further was the fact that due to having mild asthma I was told for precautionary reasons I had to go have a medical. This was nothing like a medical the Footy stars get, they probably get chauffeured to the hospital and get grade A hospitality. What I got was a dodgy ride on the back of a motorbike with no shoes on. Btw the reason I wasn't wearing shoes is because some mug decided to steal mine. Just to digress, in Thailand the common courtesy, when entering a building is to take your shoes off. Though in koh tao, it seemed like the custom was also to take whatever flip flops you wanted when leaving, so you can imagine my face when i left only to find someone had taken mine. Anyway back to the story, after witnessing the most shocking driving from the 'chauffeur', I managed to burn the back of my calf on the exhaust, stupid thing. What was to follow was even more pointless, the doc spent 3 minutes with me, he hit my back and asked if I had inhaler and then said yep your fine. I had to pay six pounds for this, he didn't even do anything. So I hopped back on the motorbike an the mad man whizzed me home.
The next day we had a morning exam, by this point I was regretting doing this stupid course. What made it worse was when the instructor went through all the fish. Some of what he expected us to see weren't fish but monsters, ugly, massive and f****** scary. The whale shark was the worst, averaging 6 metres in length, it's safe to say I needed to go toilet after hearing all this. But then came the sucker punch, when the instructor informed us that "Nemo is a bit of a w*****". Apparently he doesn't like humans, so there went my love for the little dude.
After lunch, we headed out for our first dive. The dive went down to 9 metres and to be honest my first thoughts were terrible, not only that, I also I couldn't see a thing, I forgot to gob up a 'greeny' and spit into my goggles which is what your meant to do on the surface. What didn't help was the fact that darius would constantly give the shark sign and point into the distance.
The following day we went to 12metres. At this point I was a little more comfortable with the surroundings, though me and darius by now had horrific ear aches because we found it extremely difficult to equalise. Saying this, when we eventually got down to 12m me and darius spent most of the time just giving each other the middle finger, which had us in stitches for ages, to the point where we kept breathing so hard our goggles would fill with water. Btw, having darius as your diving 'buddy' was not the best for me. The buddy system means you need to stay within a few metres of eachother and make sure the other is all fine, Darius on the other hand would spend the whole time giving me the shark sign and swim off.
The night before our final dive I got ill again, but this time I spent the entire night on the toilet. I should have known considering I saw the chef pick his nose and sneeze into his hand. I woke up the next day feeling horrific, but in the end I decided to go through with it. The instructor said all I needed to do was complete the task underwater and within 20 minutes be out of the water, by which time I would have completed the Padi certification. Our first dive, they said was 18metres but it took 45 mins to get to. Previously, all the other dives had been near a bay, but this dive site was literally 45 minutes out in the open. You could not see land at all, I was a little sceptical, what didn't help was having a bad tum. Anyway, when we eventually anchored and we dived in, I took a glance under water and no lie the visibility was around one metre, not only that but the current was so strong that it was extremely dark. It took me and Darius 15metres to equalise, this was due to our ears being blocked from previous dives. This meant that the pressure build up inside our airways was causing alot of pain and so it meant we had to stagger our descent. At one point it was just me, Darius and one of the instructors. Darius was struggling bad, so the instructor told me to go to the bottom and join the others, I looked down and couldn't see a thing so I pretended my ears were hurting too, because no way was I entering 18metres on my own with just the image of massive dark shadows moving below me. Anyway, when we met up with everyone, we were around 20metres, this was deeper than allowed but we had to due to the strong current and poor visibility. The actual depth of this site was 30 plus metres. I hardly saw any fish at this dive site but not surprising considering I couldn't see the two guys in front of me half the time.
Concluding koh Tao, me and Darius attained our Padi diving certificate. Darius is already thinking of doing his advanced diving course but I'm content with what I've got. To be honest, I can't see myself doing it again, I only did it to conquer my fear of deep diving. Saying this, we had one guy in our group called dong, he was a nice guy but couldn't swim. He had me and Darius in stitches at times because when we had to be neutrally buoyant, close to the ocean bed, all we would see was dong floating up to the surface every 30 seconds. The amount of times we were facing the instructor and dong would zip up past us, was just too many. At times he even annoyed us because we had to swim in pairs but he would jut swim on top or underneath and in doing so would knock out our regulator or goggles. Overall though, I had a lot of respect for his guy. I found it intimidating just thinking about diving, dong on the other hand couldn't even swim and so to complete it was a real achievement.
Next up full moon party, I had a mare the first night. More will be explained.
Koh poo poo
Hello, t-man again, hope your all fine. Darius is currently in the shower, at times I'm surprised there isn't a water shortage because he spends around 30 minutes in there.
Since the last post, me and darius have been to koh phi phi aka koh poo poo, more will be explained, as well as koh Tao. Koh phi phi is an island that is renowned for its nightlife and beaches.
During the first day in phi phi we decided to go check out the view points, having walked/climbed up some absolute monster steps and both of us tripping every four steps, the struggle was well worth it as the view was picturesque. For the first night in poo poo we decided to get a taste of the party atmosphere and headed down to the beach. In the evening the beach is home to young tourists chilling out on tiny cushioned seats, whilst surrounded by thai kids who put on a fire show. The fire show is pretty cool at first but after a while it gets pretty boring. Anyway that night me and darius got to experience what it was like to party on phi phi. It started with the decision to buy a bucket each, though darius ended up with a tiny pink cocktail that had a floating flower in it, mare. After finishing our drinks, me and 'Louie spence' decided to check out what else the beach had to offer, though it didn't really have much diversity. Eventually we ended up at slinky's which is an outside club on the beach. During the night me and darius decided to hit the stage and get amongst everyone, which ended with darius landing on the floor countless times. The reason being an attractive foreign girl took a shine to young darius but due to the language barrier, again, it ended with her getting a little too boisterous as she would push darius off the stage and then offer a hand up again, before pushing him off. This happened too many times and I was laughing my head off, in the end darius thought this was her way of flirting with him, so he decided to get his jig on and it ended with her falling off the stage. She hated us!
The following day goes down as one of my most hated experiences ever, though for darius it was hilarious. It started the night before when I bought some street food. It ended on a snorkelling trip, being stuck on the boat with no toilet. Darius found it hilarious and considering our 'captain', who at one point fancied getting high, ditched our boat and decided to smoke a doobie with his mate. For n hour I was in distress and what made it worse was the fact that every time I asked the 'captain' how long there was or whether there was a toilet where we were going, all he did was laugh and say "pee poo". You can safely say I didn't really like this guy very much and as for the people on board, i was crossing my heart that they wouldn't be scarred for life. As you can imagine, the boat was full of happy holiday makers soaking up the sun and taking in the surrounding beauty without an inkling that at any moment I was ready to barge my way to the front and hang over the edge of the boat to let nature do it's thing.
Throughout the course of the journey to Maya bay, which is where the beach was filmed, I was planning my escape route from the island because at any moment i knew i was going to ruin not only my new favourite pair of orange shorts, but also the holidays of all the strangers onboard. I wasnt too keen on being known as 'poo boy' or 'brown stain' for the rest of my time on phi phi, so I had to wait and pray. Eventually, I saw the beach leonardo dicaprio made famous, though whilst everyone was raving about the landscape, all i could do was think about my strategy of getting off the boat and waddling to the toilet without giving into the force of nature. In the end the boat got close and before the 'muppet' could throw down his anchor, i flopped over the side of the boat and headed straight for the toilet. I can safely say i have never been so happy to see a toilet, even if someone later described it as being the "worst toilets they have ever experienced", it was a sanctuary for me.
To most people Maya bay is heavenly, to me it is hell and i will forever be haunted by the feeling of that day.
The next blog will detail how we spent the week scuba diving, one of my biggest fears.
Since the last post, me and darius have been to koh phi phi aka koh poo poo, more will be explained, as well as koh Tao. Koh phi phi is an island that is renowned for its nightlife and beaches.
During the first day in phi phi we decided to go check out the view points, having walked/climbed up some absolute monster steps and both of us tripping every four steps, the struggle was well worth it as the view was picturesque. For the first night in poo poo we decided to get a taste of the party atmosphere and headed down to the beach. In the evening the beach is home to young tourists chilling out on tiny cushioned seats, whilst surrounded by thai kids who put on a fire show. The fire show is pretty cool at first but after a while it gets pretty boring. Anyway that night me and darius got to experience what it was like to party on phi phi. It started with the decision to buy a bucket each, though darius ended up with a tiny pink cocktail that had a floating flower in it, mare. After finishing our drinks, me and 'Louie spence' decided to check out what else the beach had to offer, though it didn't really have much diversity. Eventually we ended up at slinky's which is an outside club on the beach. During the night me and darius decided to hit the stage and get amongst everyone, which ended with darius landing on the floor countless times. The reason being an attractive foreign girl took a shine to young darius but due to the language barrier, again, it ended with her getting a little too boisterous as she would push darius off the stage and then offer a hand up again, before pushing him off. This happened too many times and I was laughing my head off, in the end darius thought this was her way of flirting with him, so he decided to get his jig on and it ended with her falling off the stage. She hated us!
The following day goes down as one of my most hated experiences ever, though for darius it was hilarious. It started the night before when I bought some street food. It ended on a snorkelling trip, being stuck on the boat with no toilet. Darius found it hilarious and considering our 'captain', who at one point fancied getting high, ditched our boat and decided to smoke a doobie with his mate. For n hour I was in distress and what made it worse was the fact that every time I asked the 'captain' how long there was or whether there was a toilet where we were going, all he did was laugh and say "pee poo". You can safely say I didn't really like this guy very much and as for the people on board, i was crossing my heart that they wouldn't be scarred for life. As you can imagine, the boat was full of happy holiday makers soaking up the sun and taking in the surrounding beauty without an inkling that at any moment I was ready to barge my way to the front and hang over the edge of the boat to let nature do it's thing.
Throughout the course of the journey to Maya bay, which is where the beach was filmed, I was planning my escape route from the island because at any moment i knew i was going to ruin not only my new favourite pair of orange shorts, but also the holidays of all the strangers onboard. I wasnt too keen on being known as 'poo boy' or 'brown stain' for the rest of my time on phi phi, so I had to wait and pray. Eventually, I saw the beach leonardo dicaprio made famous, though whilst everyone was raving about the landscape, all i could do was think about my strategy of getting off the boat and waddling to the toilet without giving into the force of nature. In the end the boat got close and before the 'muppet' could throw down his anchor, i flopped over the side of the boat and headed straight for the toilet. I can safely say i have never been so happy to see a toilet, even if someone later described it as being the "worst toilets they have ever experienced", it was a sanctuary for me.
To most people Maya bay is heavenly, to me it is hell and i will forever be haunted by the feeling of that day.
The next blog will detail how we spent the week scuba diving, one of my biggest fears.
Bucket list
A little bird told me it was nearly snowing back home? It isn't really here. More of a mix of neck blisteringly hot sunshine, and torrential downpours.
We made it to Koh Phi Phi a few days ago after a couple of hour long ferry ride. Our hostel was literally the other side of the island so we lugged our gear over and prayed the 45% rated hostel didn't have cockroaches for breakfast.
Luckily, it wasn't overly terrible, even if the fan cooler/heater turned out to keep the room at a constant 5-10 degrees warmer than outside.
After chucking our stuff in the room and tobes having his mandatory 98 winks we headed up to the viewpoint to take a look at the whole island. Phi Phi is an absolutely beautiful place, although pretty built up and and a bit of a haven for tourists. After more sweating than you can imagine, we decided to walk into the jungle to see if we could find a few secluded beaches the other side. Unfortunately, it only took us to several dead ends as we slowly realised we were completely lost. It wasn't the best welcome to the island but after a couple of hours, some poor hand signals to Swedes, and litres of sweat later we made it back. Tobes needed a nap after all the exertion.
We decided to go out on the razzle that night, so went out to one of the beach bars and sat watching some dubstep fire shows. We had remembered the fashion faux pas we made in Krabi we went out more caj, dapper even. A waitress came to offer us drinks, and we pointed out some cheeky tipples, or buckets (or so I bloody thought). We got chatting to a couple of Australians who explained most of what was going on, and generic chat through wafts of kerosene. Chirpsing was going steadily until the drinks swiftly popped on the table. Toby's lad bucket was freshly chilled, topped up and he looked like he was born ready. Eager to see mine, she placed genuinely the smallest little brandy glass full of fluorescent pink liquid; Singapore sling. Did I really order that? As if my manhood couldn't get more decimated, she lobbed in a beautiful flower. Giggling everywhere, great. We continued to bore them with inane witterings about weather and the cost of bread. Cor, we're a blast, maybe it's our English roots.
We did a bit of a bar crawl, ending up at a pretty mad place at the end of the beach called Slinky's, which is basically a mental beach club where lots of stabbings happen. It was a pretty good laugh, but it was all getting a bit decadent for my liking. When we exited seven eleven with our nineteenth Bacardi breezers (cherry) and saw a guy getting bottled, it was reminiscent of the high street on a Saturday night. We needed some home comforts.
The main two beaches on Phi Phi are full of tiny, sober Aussies so not wanting to show them all up, we fancied a walk to a supposedly quieter, more scenic beach. Long beach was quite a walk for us, so we set off expectantly. Just as we got to the point furthest away from cockroach city, Tobes grabs me and shakes his head. It was fairly obvious it wasn't good. We were sure that eight times reheated, cooled and lightly toasted chicken from a guy cooking on a bin was fine. The poor fella felt a little twinge, like a gurgle from an N64 rumble pack in a bum bag. We ran back, and after much moaning my optimism for reaching long beach was long gone. After the drama of it all Tobes needed a brief catnap.
After beaching a bit the following day, we went out for drinks and met a couple from England who gave us tips on the rest of our travels. They were thinking about possibly getting bamboo tattoos, and my changeable self loves a knee jerk reaction. Thankfully, my inner Singapore sling made me chicken out, although I might still get a cheeky small one. On my foot maybe, suggestions? You've all commented so much already. Tobes had a quick siesta.
Talking of chicken I can't go on without explaining one day we had there, when Tobes may just have broken the toilet duration world record. We booked onto this tour of all the little islands that make up and neighbour Phi Phi. Ten of us on this long boat with the captain as high as a kite made my Thai perfectly comprehensible, and snorkelling pretty fun.
We saw Bamboo and Mosquito islands, and stopped off at an originally named Monkey bay. The sand was amazing, and the beach was stunning. It was a bit packed, and felt a big sorry for the monkeys being prodded and poked with Nikons and coke shoved in their hands. Having said that, they nicked anything that dangled. We saw one moonwalking through the trees, so maybe bubbles could still be alive. We arrived at the final snorkelling stop and Tobes, poor chap, had a bit of a rumble in the jungle. Giving the water a miss, when I came back he was in all sorts of bother. Simultaneously sweating, pacing and praying to find a loo whilst trying to find out how much longer we would be stranded from our captain, who had descended into a giggling little girl. Made my day to be honest. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife. After much more squirming, and me attempting to give words of advice, Tman asked me to get in the water with him. I'm not sure what Save the Whales would have to say, but there was going to be some pollution on the pristine reefs of Thailand. Just as we were discussing the most suitable/least utterly obscene place to empty, what kind of decoy/distraction techniques I had to employ (honestly, some world class ideas were put forward), and predicting the pressure implications of a submerged restroom break, the captain kicked the motor into action and we just managed to make it. Relief is a word often banded about willy nilly, but the dictionary should now definitely refer to Toby's eyes at that instant in its definition.
Getting to Maya bay, which is unbelievable to be fair, we got chatting to some Icelanders who were doing the same as us. Bowel movement regularity isn't a typical starter for 10, but as it seamlessly segued to India and curries (of which we are now Thai experts) we realised we are learning to speak to humans.
The snorkelling was actually really fun, and made me really want to do some scuba diving. A Swedish guy kept telling me off for giving him thumbs up under water, but did take me to see some pretty amazing things. Massive schools of fish, clams, coral and everything in between. The only dampener was the massive cold the pink mask gave me, which wasn't ideal. Tobes had a cheeky snooze.
The boat stopped so we could see sunset between the islands, and we saw that it was raining on all I them, which is quite a surreal sight. We had organised dinner with the English guys, so after freezing showers, we headed out. The downpour we got ourselves in was phenomenal. It didn't help that we got lost and went to the ATM multiple times, but we got absolutely drenched.
The next day we headed to Koh Tao, for some scuba diving. Taking a night boat was somewhat interesting, but I'll write about that next time.
Posts might be a bit sporadic soon, it's heavily/entirely dependent on Internet. Stick with us though.
Views seem to be skyrocketing, our leccy bill must be huge dad! We have just about knocked back google and half of silicon valley for capital ventures. We stick to our roots.
We made it to Koh Phi Phi a few days ago after a couple of hour long ferry ride. Our hostel was literally the other side of the island so we lugged our gear over and prayed the 45% rated hostel didn't have cockroaches for breakfast.
Luckily, it wasn't overly terrible, even if the fan cooler/heater turned out to keep the room at a constant 5-10 degrees warmer than outside.
After chucking our stuff in the room and tobes having his mandatory 98 winks we headed up to the viewpoint to take a look at the whole island. Phi Phi is an absolutely beautiful place, although pretty built up and and a bit of a haven for tourists. After more sweating than you can imagine, we decided to walk into the jungle to see if we could find a few secluded beaches the other side. Unfortunately, it only took us to several dead ends as we slowly realised we were completely lost. It wasn't the best welcome to the island but after a couple of hours, some poor hand signals to Swedes, and litres of sweat later we made it back. Tobes needed a nap after all the exertion.
We decided to go out on the razzle that night, so went out to one of the beach bars and sat watching some dubstep fire shows. We had remembered the fashion faux pas we made in Krabi we went out more caj, dapper even. A waitress came to offer us drinks, and we pointed out some cheeky tipples, or buckets (or so I bloody thought). We got chatting to a couple of Australians who explained most of what was going on, and generic chat through wafts of kerosene. Chirpsing was going steadily until the drinks swiftly popped on the table. Toby's lad bucket was freshly chilled, topped up and he looked like he was born ready. Eager to see mine, she placed genuinely the smallest little brandy glass full of fluorescent pink liquid; Singapore sling. Did I really order that? As if my manhood couldn't get more decimated, she lobbed in a beautiful flower. Giggling everywhere, great. We continued to bore them with inane witterings about weather and the cost of bread. Cor, we're a blast, maybe it's our English roots.
We did a bit of a bar crawl, ending up at a pretty mad place at the end of the beach called Slinky's, which is basically a mental beach club where lots of stabbings happen. It was a pretty good laugh, but it was all getting a bit decadent for my liking. When we exited seven eleven with our nineteenth Bacardi breezers (cherry) and saw a guy getting bottled, it was reminiscent of the high street on a Saturday night. We needed some home comforts.
The main two beaches on Phi Phi are full of tiny, sober Aussies so not wanting to show them all up, we fancied a walk to a supposedly quieter, more scenic beach. Long beach was quite a walk for us, so we set off expectantly. Just as we got to the point furthest away from cockroach city, Tobes grabs me and shakes his head. It was fairly obvious it wasn't good. We were sure that eight times reheated, cooled and lightly toasted chicken from a guy cooking on a bin was fine. The poor fella felt a little twinge, like a gurgle from an N64 rumble pack in a bum bag. We ran back, and after much moaning my optimism for reaching long beach was long gone. After the drama of it all Tobes needed a brief catnap.
After beaching a bit the following day, we went out for drinks and met a couple from England who gave us tips on the rest of our travels. They were thinking about possibly getting bamboo tattoos, and my changeable self loves a knee jerk reaction. Thankfully, my inner Singapore sling made me chicken out, although I might still get a cheeky small one. On my foot maybe, suggestions? You've all commented so much already. Tobes had a quick siesta.
Talking of chicken I can't go on without explaining one day we had there, when Tobes may just have broken the toilet duration world record. We booked onto this tour of all the little islands that make up and neighbour Phi Phi. Ten of us on this long boat with the captain as high as a kite made my Thai perfectly comprehensible, and snorkelling pretty fun.
We saw Bamboo and Mosquito islands, and stopped off at an originally named Monkey bay. The sand was amazing, and the beach was stunning. It was a bit packed, and felt a big sorry for the monkeys being prodded and poked with Nikons and coke shoved in their hands. Having said that, they nicked anything that dangled. We saw one moonwalking through the trees, so maybe bubbles could still be alive. We arrived at the final snorkelling stop and Tobes, poor chap, had a bit of a rumble in the jungle. Giving the water a miss, when I came back he was in all sorts of bother. Simultaneously sweating, pacing and praying to find a loo whilst trying to find out how much longer we would be stranded from our captain, who had descended into a giggling little girl. Made my day to be honest. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife. After much more squirming, and me attempting to give words of advice, Tman asked me to get in the water with him. I'm not sure what Save the Whales would have to say, but there was going to be some pollution on the pristine reefs of Thailand. Just as we were discussing the most suitable/least utterly obscene place to empty, what kind of decoy/distraction techniques I had to employ (honestly, some world class ideas were put forward), and predicting the pressure implications of a submerged restroom break, the captain kicked the motor into action and we just managed to make it. Relief is a word often banded about willy nilly, but the dictionary should now definitely refer to Toby's eyes at that instant in its definition.
Getting to Maya bay, which is unbelievable to be fair, we got chatting to some Icelanders who were doing the same as us. Bowel movement regularity isn't a typical starter for 10, but as it seamlessly segued to India and curries (of which we are now Thai experts) we realised we are learning to speak to humans.
The snorkelling was actually really fun, and made me really want to do some scuba diving. A Swedish guy kept telling me off for giving him thumbs up under water, but did take me to see some pretty amazing things. Massive schools of fish, clams, coral and everything in between. The only dampener was the massive cold the pink mask gave me, which wasn't ideal. Tobes had a cheeky snooze.
The boat stopped so we could see sunset between the islands, and we saw that it was raining on all I them, which is quite a surreal sight. We had organised dinner with the English guys, so after freezing showers, we headed out. The downpour we got ourselves in was phenomenal. It didn't help that we got lost and went to the ATM multiple times, but we got absolutely drenched.
The next day we headed to Koh Tao, for some scuba diving. Taking a night boat was somewhat interesting, but I'll write about that next time.
Posts might be a bit sporadic soon, it's heavily/entirely dependent on Internet. Stick with us though.
Views seem to be skyrocketing, our leccy bill must be huge dad! We have just about knocked back google and half of silicon valley for capital ventures. We stick to our roots.
Krabi
Alright kids, brad Pitt again, just gonna fill you in on our first day in krabi and our first night out. Again this goes without saying, but we made some absolute shocking decisions. The first came when we got off the bus to krabi. It was 8:30 in the morning and we needed to get a taxi into town and somewhere to stay. Whilst wandering around looking for a taxi, a man popped out from nowhere and offered us a taxi, darius by this point was knackered as he didn't sleep on the 12 hour bus ride and so mentioned this. The guy obviously thought he could rip us off and said he had a place but only one room available. I'm just gonna add that we were a little sceptical about the whole thing considering the pictures weren't that great. So were driving down some dodgy looking road until the taxi, filled with around 20 people, stopped. Everyone looked over to their right n saw n absolute state of a village hut, no joke everyone looked up n thought oh god whose been mugged off and below and behold it was me and darius. To make matters worse as I was getting out the taxi I slipped and fell over, nightmare. Anyway, we were met by 'bob marley' as we called him who said he had full availability and a couple had just checked out of our room, no doubt ran away. As bob let us in, we had a little look round, the toilet was blocked with the most horrible stained water n a smell tht wasn't pleasant. The bed sheets had holes and it was dirty, cobwebs everywhere an worst of all no safe, something that worried us straight away. By this time we were standing there deliberating our nxt move, what we didn't know was bob was standing outside our door listening in, mare. Eventually we decided to go look for a new place in town but leave our travelling bags in the room. Before setting off we said our potential goodbyes to our clothes.
An hour and a half later, after walking more than 4 miles and having encountered many rejections, we eventually found a place. The room wasn't great but it was a hundred times better than the one were currently at and even better due to the fact that it had a safe. Having secured a new place to stay we decide to head back to the old place. Dav asked me to grab all the bags whilst he chatted to the man, in the end he made some lie tht we were goin to visit friends on another island, which he didn't really appreciate so we quickly got away. By now we were both ciabattered n decided to chill on a beautiful beach before heading out in the evening for our first night out.
That evening we got all dressed, me n my White shirt an 3 quarter lengths and Dav in his shirt and trendy shorts. We headed down to get some food, but as we got to the restaurant I noticed a guy who looked just like bob Marley, then I realised it was 'two bob, bob marley' and I had n error by making it plainly obvious by pointing him out to darius, he was not happy having told him we were leaving the island, mare. Anyway, whilst having dinner, I managed to spill Half my masaman curry down my shorts, n after wiping it profusely it looked like i had wet myself, mare. In the end me and manky foot left to go visit some bars, the streets are aligned with shops that sell tailor made suits, but each having their own personal pest who stands outside targeting people. Me wearing my new shirt, i was constantly harassed and asked if I had got mine down saville row. In the end we settled for a lively little bar where the barmen were about 10 years old. The drinks here were cheap and the music was good, though we began to realise we were dressed as if we were heading to some swanky club as everyone was dressed in vests and short shorts. Anyway, after a few drinks and looking out of place we decided to show our wonderful dancing talents. As we danced the night away, darius managed to get chatting to a nice girl from Manchester, though the true beauty that await him was in the form of a Swedish non-English speaking girl who after ten minutes of well, I say chatting it was more hand movements as neither could understand what the other was saying. Inevitably darius joined me and we got chatting to the Manchester girl and her mates, I say Manchester girl, me n Dav cnt remember her name even though she told us three times. Anyway as we chatted, the girl said to me "why are you dressed as hitlers youth" before asking "why is darius dressed as a young school boy". By now we both thought we had made a massive error, though things didn't get any better for darius as he turned around and noticed sweden walking towards him, so he leaned in for a hug only to realise she had walked right past him and blanking him, I have to admit I was nearly in stitches because of it. Bye
An hour and a half later, after walking more than 4 miles and having encountered many rejections, we eventually found a place. The room wasn't great but it was a hundred times better than the one were currently at and even better due to the fact that it had a safe. Having secured a new place to stay we decide to head back to the old place. Dav asked me to grab all the bags whilst he chatted to the man, in the end he made some lie tht we were goin to visit friends on another island, which he didn't really appreciate so we quickly got away. By now we were both ciabattered n decided to chill on a beautiful beach before heading out in the evening for our first night out.
That evening we got all dressed, me n my White shirt an 3 quarter lengths and Dav in his shirt and trendy shorts. We headed down to get some food, but as we got to the restaurant I noticed a guy who looked just like bob Marley, then I realised it was 'two bob, bob marley' and I had n error by making it plainly obvious by pointing him out to darius, he was not happy having told him we were leaving the island, mare. Anyway, whilst having dinner, I managed to spill Half my masaman curry down my shorts, n after wiping it profusely it looked like i had wet myself, mare. In the end me and manky foot left to go visit some bars, the streets are aligned with shops that sell tailor made suits, but each having their own personal pest who stands outside targeting people. Me wearing my new shirt, i was constantly harassed and asked if I had got mine down saville row. In the end we settled for a lively little bar where the barmen were about 10 years old. The drinks here were cheap and the music was good, though we began to realise we were dressed as if we were heading to some swanky club as everyone was dressed in vests and short shorts. Anyway, after a few drinks and looking out of place we decided to show our wonderful dancing talents. As we danced the night away, darius managed to get chatting to a nice girl from Manchester, though the true beauty that await him was in the form of a Swedish non-English speaking girl who after ten minutes of well, I say chatting it was more hand movements as neither could understand what the other was saying. Inevitably darius joined me and we got chatting to the Manchester girl and her mates, I say Manchester girl, me n Dav cnt remember her name even though she told us three times. Anyway as we chatted, the girl said to me "why are you dressed as hitlers youth" before asking "why is darius dressed as a young school boy". By now we both thought we had made a massive error, though things didn't get any better for darius as he turned around and noticed sweden walking towards him, so he leaned in for a hug only to realise she had walked right past him and blanking him, I have to admit I was nearly in stitches because of it. Bye
Dads on tour
Bangkok done, we got an overnight bus to Krabi. Going through malaria zones with nothing but fear to protect me made for the worst sleep ever. Tobes obviously found it no problem having taken his months earlier and having about three bags full of tablets.
When we eventually arrived, knackered, at Krabi bus terminal we were pestered by a guy telling us where to go and what to do. Taking and putting our previous learnings into practice we bought everything he had to offer. Needless to say, whilst on the bus to the place we realised we had a slight nightmare. It was the most dire place we had ever seen. I am so glad I am jabbed up, because it was unbelievable.
Cutting a long story short, we found another place and managed to escape the clutches of the Rastafarian shack owner (or so we thought).
Feeling better about things we had a day on Ao Nang beach which was stunning. Played a bit of football on the beach and went to have dinner. Both had some fried shrimp, curries and zombie cocktails listening to a surreal rendition of Tracy Chapman's Fast Car in a accent almost identical to Cartman from South Park. Dinner was going swimmingly (apart from the clientele all being couples, bar none) until we saw our first hostel owner again. Nightmare, heads down we ran.
We went up the beach front and were invited to many bars by scantily clad Thai ladies who apparently 'loved London'. I'm guessing they've never seen Camberley. We declined, but finally went to this packed bar and ended up having a great night.
As upstanding guys, we wore our best shirts and would've worn ties had we had them. This was shown to be the worst wardrobe nightmare, with most people in pretty much nothing. As we sat in the corner of the bar talking economics, it goes without saying we had to turn down innumerable advances.
Next morning we boarded a longboat to take us to West Railey beach. The fifteen minute boat ride took us past lots of mini islands and random limestone formations, until we arrived. It was stunning. We messed about on the beach for a bit, and spent the time convincing Tobes to do a bungee jump, and how long we would fall for/have to live. After seeing about twenty jellyfish we got out and walked to East Railey and past a lagoon, back to another beach; Pranang. Genuinely the best beach I have ever seen, it was a relatively secluded cove with large rocks either side. We attempted to get some sort of tan, but got invited to play some football with a few Argentinian lads. Unfortunately, we stuck to our roots and our long ball game didn't exactly work. I wouldn't consider myself a typical target man to be fair.
Today we made it to Koh Phi Phi on a ferry. First impressions are amazing, but stay tuned for more.
So it's all flying by quite quickly now, and amazingly we seem to be getting on. Tobes does have a few rules which he lives by and I have come to respect, and quirks which I now welcome:
1. The 5p 5 star rule: the place must cater to my every whim, and be as cheap as chips. Fair dos
2. After contracting a verruca in the temples and thinking I should have worn socks, Tman tells me he has three and has been galavanting all over the place.
3. Unfortunately Tman enjoys screaming his lungs out when I am in deep sleep. The Bangkok hostel was treated to this in the middle of the night, with a deafening "Nooooooo". All in an American accent as well. Last night I got an aggressive: "what are you doinggg?" just as I dropped off. It's all enjoyable, and I can't wait for doorms of doom, when Pavarotti chirps up...
4. 5k a day rule: no matter how beautiful or relaxed the setting, you must and will run. Also, highlights of a city always include the air conditioned gyms, obviously.
Looks like lots of views on the ol' blog, thanks very much dad.
ps still alive mum
When we eventually arrived, knackered, at Krabi bus terminal we were pestered by a guy telling us where to go and what to do. Taking and putting our previous learnings into practice we bought everything he had to offer. Needless to say, whilst on the bus to the place we realised we had a slight nightmare. It was the most dire place we had ever seen. I am so glad I am jabbed up, because it was unbelievable.
Cutting a long story short, we found another place and managed to escape the clutches of the Rastafarian shack owner (or so we thought).
Feeling better about things we had a day on Ao Nang beach which was stunning. Played a bit of football on the beach and went to have dinner. Both had some fried shrimp, curries and zombie cocktails listening to a surreal rendition of Tracy Chapman's Fast Car in a accent almost identical to Cartman from South Park. Dinner was going swimmingly (apart from the clientele all being couples, bar none) until we saw our first hostel owner again. Nightmare, heads down we ran.
We went up the beach front and were invited to many bars by scantily clad Thai ladies who apparently 'loved London'. I'm guessing they've never seen Camberley. We declined, but finally went to this packed bar and ended up having a great night.
As upstanding guys, we wore our best shirts and would've worn ties had we had them. This was shown to be the worst wardrobe nightmare, with most people in pretty much nothing. As we sat in the corner of the bar talking economics, it goes without saying we had to turn down innumerable advances.
Next morning we boarded a longboat to take us to West Railey beach. The fifteen minute boat ride took us past lots of mini islands and random limestone formations, until we arrived. It was stunning. We messed about on the beach for a bit, and spent the time convincing Tobes to do a bungee jump, and how long we would fall for/have to live. After seeing about twenty jellyfish we got out and walked to East Railey and past a lagoon, back to another beach; Pranang. Genuinely the best beach I have ever seen, it was a relatively secluded cove with large rocks either side. We attempted to get some sort of tan, but got invited to play some football with a few Argentinian lads. Unfortunately, we stuck to our roots and our long ball game didn't exactly work. I wouldn't consider myself a typical target man to be fair.
Today we made it to Koh Phi Phi on a ferry. First impressions are amazing, but stay tuned for more.
So it's all flying by quite quickly now, and amazingly we seem to be getting on. Tobes does have a few rules which he lives by and I have come to respect, and quirks which I now welcome:
1. The 5p 5 star rule: the place must cater to my every whim, and be as cheap as chips. Fair dos
2. After contracting a verruca in the temples and thinking I should have worn socks, Tman tells me he has three and has been galavanting all over the place.
3. Unfortunately Tman enjoys screaming his lungs out when I am in deep sleep. The Bangkok hostel was treated to this in the middle of the night, with a deafening "Nooooooo". All in an American accent as well. Last night I got an aggressive: "what are you doinggg?" just as I dropped off. It's all enjoyable, and I can't wait for doorms of doom, when Pavarotti chirps up...
4. 5k a day rule: no matter how beautiful or relaxed the setting, you must and will run. Also, highlights of a city always include the air conditioned gyms, obviously.
Looks like lots of views on the ol' blog, thanks very much dad.
ps still alive mum
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