Bangkok

Hello all, t-man here, Dav is currently sitting on the bog. The poor lad is a little clogged up, 3 days is not a good time to go without dropping some bombs.

Firstly, I just want to point out that we have had a fair few mares. When we first got into the hostel we were met by a Thai ladyman, the facial hair gave it away. After realising we could not understand a word she/he said, we opted to go see the room. The room was pleasant, though It took us half n hour to open the safe. We had to ask for help 3 times which led to her/him becoming just a little frustrated.

The next day, we set about our adventure and decided to visit the grand palace, which is where the first of many errors occurred. I would just like to add it took us two trips to actually see the grand palace but all will be explained. Just to quickly digress, the temples at grand palace are beautiful though after seeing temple after temple and Buddha after Buddha it can become a tad boring. Further adding to this, darius thought he got himself a verruca from the temples as it is forbidden to wear shoes and as he decided not to wear socks he got himself a manky on his foot. Anyway, onto the first serious mare... As we approached the temple, we were met by 4 women who pointed me and darius out. These women seemed kind an timid at first, but they turned out to be conniving thieves. Anyway, as thy stopped us they started to shout happy new year over n over in our faces , whilst thrusting what can only be described as dried sweetcorn into our hands. We tried to decline but due to their overly forceful nature, we felt it was tradition that we were obligated to carry out, for free. HOW WRONG we were. Whilst feeding the birds the women, who by now had paired off and cornered me and darius separately kept pouring bags of 'sweetcorn' into our hands. After the 10 seconds of chucking 'sweetcorn' all over the streets of Bangkok, the fun was over and out of nowhere about 8 of them surrounded me and darius separately shouting 50bht per bag, which considering the woman poured 4 bags without any of our consent, they were asking for 200bht. So begrudgingly I got my money out, suddenly out of nowhere a man snatches 1000bht n says the woman next to me would give me change. I received 400bht back. I tried to argue with the man but whilst doing so the woman next to me, who darius now refers to as 'fat bitch', kept shouting and shouting and by now there were hoards of people gathering around us. By now we felt that arguing was pointless and in the grand scheme of things it was not the end of the world, so we left. Thinking back now though, I realised i spent £12 on feeding some bloody pidgeons for 10 seconds, which is something i wouldn't even do in bloody england. VERY PISSED.

After visiting wat po, manky foot and i decided to trek it down to grand palace, but first we were stopped by a guy who had an official 'tourist police' tag, he chatted n chatted and literally devoured our only map. So now not only was I £12 down, our only map had Thai language scribbled all over it. Anyway, at the first time of trying to see the temple, which was later named as bangkoks first university, we were told you had to wear trousers, so we queued up to borrow some. After 20 minutes of queuing we were told they had run out, so we had to sack it off. So, now I was £12 down, had no map and we had queued to see a monument that we didn't even see. PISSED OFF



After a long day of seeing sites we were both hot and exhausted, though darius, who if you remember hadn't had much success in the way of bowel movements suddenly had movement and the turtle was on it's way. Dav thought best with a dodgy tum to go have an oil massage. The massage was definitely something I've not had before n at times it was painful as the guy insisted on sitting on all parts of my body whilst kneading all my joints. Eventually, We decided to head home, never easy when you have millions of Thai people trying to sell you gear and no map, so we were sidetracked. We both ended up buying new t shirts n some flip flops which were pretty essential considering we didn't have any. Dav had his first mare by realising he bought flip flops tht were far too small for him, so his moaning was relentless all the way home, haha. Whilst on the walk home dav stopped and gasped having noticed tht my neck was red raw from the sun, which I think was caused by the oil from the massage. The worst part was the next day when we were stuck in a que and some guy out of nowhere comes up to me n says do you have sunblock whilst laughing n pointing at my neck. The guy didn't even offer, he just wanted to have a good laugh, twat.

Overall though were having fun. Oh and for all you who slated my hair, a woman came up to me and asked if I had just gt my haircut because it looked fresh. I'm taking that as a compliment, considering you all called me hitler.

Bye